


A Story in Which Blue Zircon Quits Her Job, Abandons Homeworld, And in a Sudden Turn of Events is Saddled With More Stress Than She's Ever Felt in Her Life

by seasalt (lawboy)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: During Canon, Gen, Little Homeschool, Little Homeworld, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Steven Universe: The Movie, Steven Universe Future, get to put that tag since the zircons came back!!, im happy but also i was so ready to declare this fic canon if they didnt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22412062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawboy/pseuds/seasalt
Summary: After getting out of prison, Blue Zircon decides a change of lifestyle might be good for her— and what better place for that than Earth? Unfortunately, as with most events in her life, things do not go to plan. Her mandatory roommate is annoying, Earth's lifeforms are terrifying, and the job she gets through the GHEM program is more than a little difficult to adjust to.
Comments: 92
Kudos: 138





	1. Welcome To Little Homeworld

"In just a few seconds the gates to the warp zone will open. Please form an orderly queue. You and your Pearl may be subjected to a random search."

Zircon folded her arms nervously, glancing over the rest of the crowd. A couple of Rubies were moving to unlock the gates; despite what the speaker said, she knew as soon as they were done everything would fall into chaos.

"Please keep left to allow returning Gems to reach the exit. The gates are now open. Thank you for your cooperation with warp zone authorities."

Before the recording could even finish playing, people were already swarming the entrance. Smaller Gems drowned in the flood as the larger, more brutish ones kneed and elbowed their way to the front. Zircon squeezed herself past them all, height giving her an advantage in the struggle; she could hear the gate Rubies shouting and the _vwhoosh_ of their ignited fists, a last-resort measure to keep the crowd in line. After a few minutes, the backup Quartzes arrived and the throng discontentedly settled into a more-or-less civilised line.

'It'll be good to go somewhere less crowded.' She thought with a sigh, hardly resisting as a pair of Agates shoved in front of her. Finally, she reached the front of the queue.

"Evening, Zircon. Where are you travelling today?" A bored Ruby asked.

"Earth."

"Purpose of the visit?"

"Um, holiday. Possible relocation."

"They let _Zircons_ go on holidays now? But not Rubies, oh nooo." The Ruby muttered to herself. Then, louder, she asked "How long will you be staying?"

"Maybe two or three hundred years? Forever? I'm not sure." The Ruby gave her a look, and she sweated, rubbing her neck. "I-I'm doing this on a whim. I didn't really think it through."

"...Okay." The Ruby stepped aside, waving her past. "Have a _nice trip_."

Zircon nodded, smiling stiffly, and made her way to the closest galaxy warp.

'You're going to have a good time. You're going to love it.' She told herself as she slipped up the warp stream. 'This is your first vacation in four thousand years! It'll be great! It'll be-'

It was not great. It was not great AT ALL.

The sky was far too bright. The air was too loud. There were less people, sure, but the minute she walked in everyone in a twelve-mile radius was _staring at her._

And the worst part was, she had no idea what to do next.

'Just pretend you know where you're going. Don't look at anyone.' She glanced up at a nearby building— it was totally unidentifiable. She started mentally screaming.

"Hey."

She spun on her heels, fixing the Obsidian addressing her with a weary look.

"You're new here, right? Are you looking for Little Homeschool?"

Zircon didn't know what a 'school' was, but she at least understood the word 'home'.

"Yes! Yes, I am. Which direction is it..?"

"Oh, I can just take you." Obsidian waved a hand over her shoulder, backing up. "I'll show you around on the way."

As soon as they stepped through the office door Zircon froze. Blue Diamond's Pearl was behind the front desk, typing something into a console.

"Is this place _owned by the Diamonds?"_ She whispered frantically to her escort.

Obsidian laughed. "No, she just helps out here sometimes. The Diamonds have nooo control over this place, don't worry."

Zircon sighed in relief, then approached the counter.

"Good morning, welcome to Little Homeworld. Are you here to register for homeschool?"

"Yes." She glanced over her shoulder at Obsidian, then leant in and whispered "That's housing, right? 'Homeschool' is what you call housing on Earth?"

Pearl tittered. "No, it's a re-education course. You'll get a place to stay when you sign up, though."

"Oh, okay, no. No, no. I just need a house."

"I'm afraid you'll have to head to another office-" The door opened behind her and she paused, glancing back. "Oh, hi, Steven."

Zircon looked at 'Steven' and started. _"YOU!"_

"Uhh," he snapped his fingers, then pointed, "Zircon! Hey, it's been a while! How are you?"

"How- what do you mean 'how are you'!? I was in prison! _Me!_ A loyal servant to the empire, branded an enemy of the state!" She cupped a hand to her cheek, breathing hard in then out.

"Aw, I'm sorry." 'Steven' gave an apologetic shrug. "It's kinda crazy how you almost figured out the shattering thing, though, huh?"

Zircon gave him a disbelieving stare, then grimaced. "I don't want to talk about that."

The Pearl interrupted. "This Zircon is looking for a place to stay. I was about to tell her where the Housing Allotment Centre is."

"Oh you're not signing up for homeschool?" 'Steven' frowned. "You sure? It's really fun!"

"That means it makes you happy." Pearl whispered.

Zircon rolled her eyes. "Happiness is for high-grade Gems. I'm here to work."

"That's fine! You can get a job through homeschool as well!" He saw her hesitate, and adjusted his tone. "Look, most Gems are a bit unsure about it at first, but once you get into it you'll really like it, I promise. You get to learn so many new things and meet tons of cool people." A pause, then he tacked on. "And if you don't like it, you can always leave."

Zircon stared at him for a while, mulled it over very carefully— then shrugged.

"Well, it couldn't be much worse than the last decision I made. Why not."

"Garnet's class is about meditation and mindfulness." 'Steven' explained, pointing as they passed. "You might like that. It'll help you manage stress."

"I'm never stressed." Zircon said dismissively. She glanced to the 'Garnet' and frowned. "What kind of Gem is she anyway? An Almandine?"

"Actually, she's a fusion." He tensed at her disgusted expression. "Look, you're gonna have to forget everything you learnt on Homeworld. This is Earth. We're more accepting here."

Zircon glanced uncomfortably away from the 'Garnet'. "It's a lot to accept."

"You'll get used to it. Anyway, if you want a job you should sign on for Amethyst's GHEM program. She'll help you figure out what you enjoy and get a placement for you."

"What I enjoy..? I'm a Zircon."

"So?"

"So I'm going to keep _being_ a Zircon." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Look, Rose Quartz- Pink Diamond-"

"It's just Steven."

She sighed. " _'Suhtee-ven'_ , I really didn't come here to join some rebellious hippy-dippy freeloader camp-"

"Then what are you here for?"

She caught the edge in his voice, and paused. "What- I... I just wanted some time away from the capital. I didn't think it would be like _this_ down here. I mean, I knew there'd been changes made in the empire, but..."

"But it's hard to adapt to all of a sudden." He smiled. "I get it. I've been through this with tons of other Gems before. That's why I established Little Homeschool: to help people like you adjust to Era 3."

"It's Era 3 now!?"

"Oh boy, you really missed a lot." Steven puffed his cheeks out then exhaled sharply. "How about we just get you a place to stay for now? We can worry about your enrolment tomorrow."

"Sure." She replied. She was starting to wonder if she'd made a mistake.


	2. Earth Buddy

"Hey Bismuth!" Steven called out, holding the door open for the both of them. "We got a new student who needs a room. Could you take care of it? My next class is coming up, so.."

The foyer of this office was empty, small, and architecturally only barely resembled Gem infrastructure. Glass panels lined the street-facing wall, and a spiral staircase was tucked in the corner beside the desk. It was down those stairs that Bismuth came.

"Sure, I've got it, Steven!" She rounded the corner, now coming into view. "What we got, another uncorrupted Gem?"

"She's from Homeworld, actually."

Bismuth paused, leaning over the railing. "Homeworld, huh? Don't get many of those around here."

A ping rang out from Steven's pocket. He glanced at the device that'd made the sound before saying "Agh, I've gotta go. See you tomorrow, Zircon."

With a wave, he exited the office. Zircon watched him run off until he turned out of view.

"So!"

She jumped, and Bismuth laughed.

"How are you finding Earth so far?"

"Um, I'm still adjusting." She shrugged, folding her arms. "I've worked on a few different planets. This one's the most... different."

"You can say that again!" Bismuth gestured towards the door, walking ahead. "Trust me, you'll grow to love it. Once you let go of all that garbage you get taught about your 'purpose' and start doing what _you_ want, you won't be able to imagine life anywhere else."

"Hah." Zircon grimaced.

"It'll make more sense when you start homeschool." They turned off the main road into a weaving boulevard, passing a park. "Anyway, it's a bit of a walk to where I'm thinking you could live, so why don't you tell me about yourself?"

"Myself..?"

"Yeah! Like, what brought you to Earth?"

Zircon pulled a face.

"Okay! From here it's just down the hall."

They stepped out of the elevator and into a sandy-hued corridor lined with knobbed panels. Zircon looked warily at them as they passed.

"What are those things?"

"What?" Bismuth glanced at where she was pointing and chuckled. "Oh, those are Earth doors. No lights, no electronics, just plain wood and a handle."

She stared at her in disbelief. "So anyone can just walk in?"

"Nah, you can lock it with a piece of metal called a key. I don't have one here for you, but you can get one off your roommate."

That caught her off-guard. She froze, and after a second Bismuth stopped and looked back at her.

"My 'room-mate'? As in, someone who lives in the same room as me? Like a Quartz bunker?"

Bismuth caught on, and raised her hands reassuringly. "Oh, don't worry, it's more roomy than that. And she's a Zircon too!"

"But- how will I be able to focus with someone else there? It's bad enough that this-" she gestured wildly, " _atmosphere_ is constantly buzzing and blowing around, but a whole other Zircon..."

"It won't be so bad. You might even become friends with her! Think of it like... an Earth buddy."

They reached the room marked '503', and Bismuth knocked. Three seconds later the door swung open.

"Blue!" Yellow Zircon exclaimed.

"I don't want my Earth buddy." Zircon groaned through gritted teeth.

"You two know each other?" At her exasperated look, Bismuth just shrugged. "Sorry. We're a little short on housing so we've had to pair Gems up. I've got another place with an Onyx if you want?"

An Onyx would be even more distracting than Yellow.

"It's fine." Her voice was a pitch too high. "This is fine. It's only for a little while, anyway."

"Okay. I'll... leave you to get settled in then."

She left, and the two of them were alone. Zircon pushed past Yellow, who shot her a frown, and began to check out the room.

She tried to restrain her impressedness. It was positively massive: there was a lounge area with _multiple_ seats, a conference table next to some sort of laboratory, _curtained windows_ — and more doors leading off to stars knew how much space. She didn't know what she was expected to do with all this. Maybe it was for homeschool.

"I thought they'd shattered you years ago." Yellow said snidely from behind her.

She ignored the comment, spinning to face her. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm on vacation. What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm- _also_ on vacation."

Yellow turned her nose up with a grin. "Zircon Quarters wouldn't take you back?"

"They would've! If I'd asked!"

"But you didn't."

"I-"

"So they didn't."

She exhaled sharply. "Look, how long are you going to be here? Because this planet was at least _mildly_ bearable before I realised you were on it!"

"Ouch. You wound me." Yellow snarked, clutching her gem.

Zircon made an exasperated sound, before spinning on her heel and marching to one of the side rooms.

"No, don't go! I thought we were having a good time," Yellow snickered, " _Earth buddy_."

"Oh, eat dirt." She said, slamming the door behind her.

—

"Do you remember Yellow?" Was the first thing Zircon asked upon sitting down, fidgety with agitation. Steven glanced up from his device, confused.

"...Diamond?"

"Zircon. The prosecutor in your trial?" Zircon sighed, burying her face in her hands. "She's my _room-mate_."

"Oh. That's..?"

"Not great! Agh, I'm losing my mind around her!" She threw her hands up, giving Steven a distraught look. "You know, she's always looked down on me, ever since our first trial together. I don't know what her problem is, but every little thing I do she has to throw some smug remark at me!"

"That sounds really bad, Zircon, and I'm sorry you're going through that, but could we please get your enrolment done?" He held his hands up placatingly. "Sorry, it's just I don't have a lot of time..."

"No, it's okay." She sighed, rubbing her temples, then shot him a tired smile. "I know what that's like."

Steven nodded in acknowledgement, before clearing his throat and turning his device screen back on. "Anyway, I really think you'd benefit from some of Garnet's classes. 'Relationships and Communication', 'Mindfulness Meditation'..."

"Oh, no, I don't think those are for me."

He gave her a deadpan look and she grinned awkwardly.

"Is this about the fusion thing?"

"W-Well, I was _trying_ to be polite about it." She sputtered.

"Hhhhokay." Steven sighed. "I'm gonna put you down for those and 'Tolerance of Diversity'." He tapped a few buttons on his screen and scrolled down. "So, besides the GHEM program, was there anything else you wanted to get involved in? We have a lot of activities: sports, arts, self-defence classes..."

"No thanks."

"You sure?" He spun his device around, sliding it towards her. "Do you want to look at the list?"

"I really just want to get back to work." Zircon said, refusing it.

"Alrighty then." He tapped to submit the form, then clasped his hands together with a clap. "Well, that's everything. There's a board in town square with the class times, so make sure to check that out. If you ever want to join anything else, just swing by the Little Homeschool Office."

He rose from his seat, and Zircon mimicked him.

"Thank you, Stee-vehn."

Steven blinked, then nodded to her. "No problem. See you around."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> concrit appreciated ^^


	3. Getting Along With Others, Even If You Can’t Stand Them

"Has anyone here ever been treated badly by another Gem?"

It was the first class of the day, 'Tolerance of Diversity', which so far seemed to be nothing but a lecture in the galaxy's most distracting environment. They were in the park Zircon had passed just yesterday, sitting on the ground under the shade of some sort of organic tower. The thing kept shaking loudly and dropping debris all over them, and the green strands growing from the ground were scratching her legs. She cupped her head in her hands, massaging away a headache.

A Ruby next to Zircon enthusiastically raised her arm. The Pearl leading the class pointed to her.

"Yes, Ruby?"

"Where I come from, people always used to treat me and my team like we were stupid. But we're not!" Her voice pitched, and the floor around her started to sizzle. "Right?"

"No, of course you're not!" Pearl gave a sympathetic smile. "Nobody's stupid or worth less than anyone else. Because remember, what's lesson one?"

"Nobody can decide your value but yourself." The others said, in time to the flick of Pearl's wrist.

"That's right! Now, I'm sure we've all faced unkindness before, for whatever reason. But have any of you ever been rude to someone who _you_ thought was below you?"

There was an unhelpful silence.

"Think carefully about it. Remember, this is a judgement-free zone, so if you want to share a story just raise your hand."

Picking a strand from the ground, Zircon began tying it in knots. She zoned out as the lesson continued.

Sure, she might've been rude before. Who hadn't? Half her clients were fusions, traitors, thieves or off-colours— was it really wrong to look down on them? To lack sympathy for someone the system blatantly wanted to dispose of?

"Thank you for that, Cherry."

She glanced up, hands stilling. Pearl looked at them soberly.

"Keep those memories in your minds, everyone, and try to put yourself in the other person's position. How might they have felt when you hurt their feelings? How did _you_ feel when it happened to you?"

Zircon dropped the strand of matter, twisting her fingers together. Something in the pit of her chest felt cold.

At 10am Earth Time, they were dismissed, and the class dispersed into the street. Checking her schedule on a hologram, Zircon found that she was free for the next four hours. She sighed, hitting the screen against her forehead and letting it disperse.

"Alright there?" The Pearl asked, smiling. She was folding up her writing board.

Zircon straightened up stiffly. "Yes. Of course, uh..." (what was she _supposed_ to call a Pearl that outranked her?) "my Pearl?"

She laughed. "Just Pearl's fine. Where are you going next?"

"I don't have anything on until 2pm Earth Time."

"Oh, enjoy your break, then."

She beamed the board into her gem and started to leave. Zircon shuffled in place.

"What am I... supposed to do?"

"Whatever you want." When met with a blank stare, she added "You just recently arrived, didn't you? Why don't you talk to some of the other Gems around town?"

"Okay."

Pearl nodded a goodbye and then left. Once she was far away enough, Zircon turned and walked directly to her room without looking at anyone.

She listened carefully at the door to 503. Not a sound. With a sigh of relief, she fished her key from her gem and unlocked the door.

"Good morning, Blue." Yellow hung her head over the couch arm, staring at her upside-down. "When did you sneak out of the house?"

"When you _left_." She skirted around the lounge space, keeping her eyes on her. Then she stopped, off-guard. "What are you wearing?"

"Oh this?" Yellow dropped the glossy winged-thing in her hands and pulled at her shirt collar with a thumb. "This is a piece of fashion from the Earth region of Huh-why. I'm sure you don't know where that is."

"I... don't care."

"It's in the middle of the ocean. Do you know what an 'ocean' is? It's a large mass of water-"

"I know what an ocean is!" She snapped. She didn't.

"Okay." She smirked, picking back up her object. "I'll pretend to believe you."

Zircon waited for a moment before quietly creeping off, heading back to the room she'd spent the night in.

"Oh, by the way, if you try the other door you'll actually be able to sit somewhere comfortable."

"I don't need your help, Yellow."

Yellow flipped a wing. "Just looking out for you, _buddy_."

2:25. Zircon sat hunched in the (as a hastily put-up sign called it) GHEM Office Waiting Area. Staring down at her hands, she tapped her heels against the floor impatiently. She'd only been the second person to show up at 2pm, and yet she was forced to wait.

Earth was just so inefficient.

"Okay, who's next?"

She started, head darting up. The last client was exiting the meeting room; now the head of the GHEM Program, a stunted Amethyst, was waving her in.

"Hey! Take a seat, man!" She fell into a chair across from her, adjusting her glasses. "Sorry, I don't know a whole ton of Gem types, what's your name?"

"Zircon."

"Okayyy, Zircon." She clicked a button on a small rod, scribbling some symbols onto a pad. "And waddaya do?"

"I defend people in court?"

"Oh, so like a lawyer." More scribbling. Amethyst grinned at her. "Scale of one to ten, how much do you like that job?"

She frowned, gaze darting over her. "Why does it matter?"

"We wanna match you up with something you actually _want_ to do. So like, if law's not up your alley, we'll look at your other interests."

"I want to do my job." She said indignantly.

"But do you _like_ it?" Amethyst pointed with her rod, eyebrows raised.

"I-I guess!"

"You don't sound super sure." She tapped her chin, scrawling something else. "Let's just try another question. What are your interests and hobbies?"

Zircon blinked at her. "'Hobb-ees?'"

"Like, waddaya do in your spare time?"

She drummed her fingers on her lap. "Nothing. Is this important?"

"Uh. This is gonna be kinda hard, you're not giving me a lot to work with."

"Why's it _hard?_ I'm a Zircon! I already have a job!" She gestured sharply, volume rising. "Just tell me where the courthouse is, I'll enlist myself!"

"Alright, chill!" Amethyst drew a cross over her work, taking a deep breath through her nose before looking back up at her. "So, you're a lawyer back on Homeworld, you don't really like your job, but you want to do it anyway."

"Yes."

"Uh-huh." She rested her chin on her palm, tapping the rod against the table. "Well, you can't really be a lawyer down here, because you need to go to college and pass this exam and stuff. But I'll see if I can get you something in a law firm. And if it turns out you don't like it, or you wanna do something else, you can come back here and we'll sort it out." She held out her hands questioningly. "Sound good?"

"Sounds great. Thank you." She grimaced, rubbing her forehead. "And, um. Sorry for being snappy. It's been two years since I've been able to work, and I just really want to get started again. I've had nothing to do for so long..."

"It's cool. We're chill." Amethyst smiled. "I'll come find you when I've got something, okay? It might take a while."

She sighed, dropping her voice. "Please don't be too long."

"Back so soon?"

Zircon closed the door behind her, shooting Yellow a weary look. "Have you even _moved_ today?"

"I went to get more magazines." She held up a stack. "But after that, no. I'm having a good time here."

Zircon moved cautiously towards her, sitting on the back of the chair furthest from where she was. She picked up a magazine and wrinkled her nose at its texture.

"If you want something to read, try this." Yellow said, holding up something pink-covered. "It's got lots of advice you might find helpful." Flipping it open, she read aloud "Dear Star, how do I make friends? I'm always alone and miserable-"

"Why are you acting like this?"

She halted, flopping the magazine down. "Like what?"

"Like..." Zircon gestured to her, "Like a completely different person. You used to be so hard-working and motivated. What do you even do now? Just sit here and look at these stupid pictures? How long have you _been_ on this planet?"

Yellow's face dropped. Folding the magazine shut, she peeled herself off the couch.

Zircon stared at her in surprise. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

She paused, glancing at her, then simpered. "What I'm _going_ to do is take the bathroom before you lock yourself in there to cry again." She scooped up her pile of magazines roughly, letting some slip to the floor.

"Are you... did I _hurt your feelings?"_

"Goodnight!" Yellow called over her shoulder, flouncing out of the room.


	4. Just Be Nice

Zircon rested her head softly against the trim of the door. Yellow had been running the water in there for hours— the scream of it, the clunk of the pipes, and the smack it made against its receptacles were driving her insane. She pressed the heels of her hands hard against her eyes, trying to will away the ache in her head.

"Please stop. Please, just stop."

Shouting hadn't gotten her anywhere a couple hours ago, so now she was softly pleading. It didn't seem to make a difference to Yellow.

Zircon tried the handle again; it didn't budge. Slumping back against the wall, she hit the door with a fist.

"I know you’re just trying to get back at me, and you’ve done it.” She called out. “Can you turn the water off now?”

No sound from behind the door. Then the splashing got louder. Groaning, she pushed herself to her feet and rattled the doorknob again.

"You're killing me, Yellow! I'm getting hairline cracks!"

"Then shatter."

_"Agghh!"_

Zircon kicked the door. The water grew louder still.

"You're horrible, you know that!?" She yelled. "Calling me miserable— _you're_ miserable! You're the most miserable Gem in the universe!"

"Hey! Keep it down in there!" One of their neighbours shouted, pounding the wall.

Zircon cringed. "Sorry."

Taking a deep breath, she paced away from the door, hand over her mouth. There wasn't much else she could do on her own.

"I'm going out!" She called to Yellow, not expecting a response.

—

Steven reached the entrance to Little Homeworld at 7:54am, crawling up the path in a small white vehicle. Zircon jumped up when she spotted him, running over.

"Steevn! Hi!" She walked beside him, bending low to look through his window. "Thank the stars you've finally shown up! I need your help."

"Uh, let me park the car." He said, rubbing his eyes.

She took her hand off the car's roof, and he pulled it to a stop.

"So what's up?"

"It's Yellow." She stepped back to let him out. "She locked herself in the bathroom and won’t stop running the water. I keep telling her to turn it off, but she won’t listen to me."

"Do you know why she‘s doing that? Did something happen?"

Zircon clasped her hands. "I... think I upset her."

"Okay. Just say sorry then."

"But I don't want to!" She protested. Steven started walking off, and she rushed to keep pace with him. "She's never apologised to _me_ for anything she's done."

"Well maybe she will if you start that conversation." He checked his device screen quickly before shutting it off. "Look, you should really talk to Garnet about this. She's more of an expert than I am."

Zircon glanced aside.

"Oh come on. You haven't even given her a chance."

She winced. "Steevn-"

"It's Steven." He pressed his index fingers to the bridge of his nose. "I have to get going."

"I'm-"

"I know you're trying. I'm sorry. Just, Garnet's my friend, and I want you to be nice to her." Steven held out his hands, palms-up. "Can you do that for me? Just be nice?"

Zircon looked away. "I'll do my best."

"Great. Thanks, Zircon. See you around."

"Find a position that makes you comfortable. You can sit or lie down, whichever you prefer."

Garnet paced past them, inspecting their posture. She paused in front of Zircon, who glanced up then quickly down again.

"Your shoulders are a little tense." She smiled, reaching down to touch her. "Just let them relax."

Instinctively, Zircon flinched away from her. Garnet stepped back, withdrawing her hands. If she was offended, she made no sign of it.

"Good job everyone." She moved back to the front of the class. "Now close your eyes and just focus on what you can sense around you."

"I'm going to count backwards from five. Once I'm done, slowly open your eyes. Five... four... three... two... one." Garnet paused, allowing them a few seconds. "This ends our guided meditation. Enjoy the rest of your day."

Zircon blinked, quickly clambering to her feet. Her classmates had already begun to scatter.

"So 'meditation' is just sitting around and doing nothing, huh?" She joked to the Jasper that'd been next to her. "As if we don't do that enough already."

"I... like this class." Jasper gave her a weird look, then turned and left.

Zircon folded her arms self-consciously. Glancing over her shoulder, she accidentally locked eyes with Garnet before hurriedly turning back.

The two of them were alone now.

"I'm guessing you needed something."

She hesitated, remembered Steven's instructions, and slowly spun on her heel. Garnet raised a hand.

"Hey."

Zircon nodded, looking down at her feet. "Hi."

"It's gonna be a little hard to talk if you're all the way over there."

She stayed frozen.

"C'mon, I won't bite."

Reluctantly, Zircon walked a few feet closer. With that kind of proximity, she had no choice but to look at Garnet.

"Um. Don't fusions usually have extra..?" She waved her arms.

"Extra body parts. Yes." Garnet lowered her visor, revealing her third eye. "I usually fly under the radar in that regard."

"Huh." Zircon automatically took a half-step back before stopping herself.

"You haven't been around many fusions before."

"No, I've... I've seen tons of them." She rubbed her neck, meeting her gaze. "I don't know if this is rude to say, but you're very normal. I-I mean, I wouldn't have guessed."

Garnet smiled. "That _is_ rude, but you could've said worse. At least you meant it as a compliment."

Zircon winced. "Oh. Sorry."

"You're alright." She bent down, picking up the music-player she'd been using during the lesson. When Zircon didn't leave, she said "There's something else you wanted."

"...No."

Garnet scrutinised her. "Alright. I'm here if you need to talk, then."

With a nod, she left. Zircon pressed a hand to the base of her throat, already regretting the lie.

The sound of water was still ringing out from 503. She gave a piercing stare at the door before turning the key, stepping through the entryway— and directly into a pool of water.

She froze, breath catching, and looked down. The whole floor was flooded.

"Oh no, no, no, no-" Panic tore at her chest as she sprinted towards the bathroom, pounding the door with both fists. "Yellow! Yellow, open the door!"

"I'm busy."

"You ruined _everything_ , Yellow, you-" she gasped, clutching her head with both hands. "You- oh stars, oh stars, this can't be happening."

Zircon crouched down, trying to catch her breath. Water poured out from below the bathroom door and splashed against her calves. She stared at it with mute despair.

Minutes passed, and nothing stopped. Curled up against the door with her forehead to her knees, she finally cracked.

"I'm sorry."

A pause. Footsteps behind the door. She took a shuddering breath, palms pressed to her temples.

"I shouldn't have said what I said. It was rude. I upset you."

Seconds trickled past in silence, before finally, mercifully, the taps began to shut off. Zircon sighed with relief. Eventually the door swung open behind her, and she stood to get out of the way.

Yellow stepped out of the room and turned to face her. Her arms were filled with soaked magazines.

"I wasn't upset, just so you know." She dropped the pile unceremoniously. They made a wet _thwap_ on the floor. "I just ran out of reading material."

Wading through the pool of water, she made her way to the couch. Zircon stared expectantly at her back.

"You're supposed to apologise too."

"What? For what?"

"For..!" She swept an arm toward the general scene. "For everything!"

Yellow blinked at her.

"You ruined our room! You've insulted me..." she pulled up her running tally, "at _least_ two million, four hundred and fifty-eight thousand, one hundred and sixty-three times! I only apologised to you because I thought you'd do the same! You're _supposed_ to do the same!"

Yellow gave an amused sneer. "I'm... sorry you got your hopes up?"

Zircon stared at her in wild disbelief, then glared and stalked to the exit.

"Forget it. I'm going to spend the night outside. You can clean this up."

She stopped briefly in the doorway, hoping for a response; when nothing came she left, slamming the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy this one needed a lot of editing before it was publishable. i think thats a sign im getting burnout, which is no surprise since ive literally been writing this series nonstop for the past three days without doing anything else. gonna take a day or so off before coming back to this story, thx a lot for reading everyone. ik this chapter isnt quite up to scratch so feel free to tell me whats wrong with it


	5. Anyway, Make Us Coffee

Zircon spent the night in the lobby of the Little Homeschool Office, counting the lightbulbs, floor tiles, pens on the front counter, and just about anything else she could find to focus on. Blue Pearl wasn't at the desk; in her place, a small folded sign announced _"Counter closed until 9am!"_

The hours crept by like centuries, and it was almost enough to make her leave, to suck it up and go crawling back to 503 to excuse Yellow (again) and accept their miserable status quo.

Almost.

In the early hours, she got bored and wandered off outside. The sky— the one thing she could appreciate about Earth —was slowly hazing from deep blue to mauve. It was a clear night, and the lack of light on street-level meant a whole galaxy could be seen spread above her. In a bitter way, it reminded her of the city view back home.

She must've stood there for hours, waiting for daylight. The sun rose, bringing with it scarlet, then gold, then blue.

In the morning, she had some of her compulsory classes: 'English Literacy A', 'Human Technology', and 'Local Laws and Customs'— all things, she could admit, she didn't feel like it was a total waste of time to learn. Then she was free for the day, and her dilemma became apparent: she had nowhere to go.

A Peridot was behind the counter of the Housing Allotment Centre when she walked in. She was tapping at a screen, but stopped and shut it off when she heard her.

"Hello. Can I help you?"

Zircon glanced up the stairwell. "Is Bismuth here?"

"It's her day off." Pushing aside her device, she leant forward and gestured to herself. "I'm the co-owner of this department, so if you need something I'm sure I'll be able to do it."

"Alright." She dropped her key on the counter. "I need a different room. I can't coexist with my assigned Earth buddy."

"'Earth buddy'?"

"My room-mate."

"Oh, I know how this goes." Peridot grinned. "You should go talk to Steven. He can help you guys get along."

Zircon frowned and said bluntly "I already did, and his advice didn't work. Can I just move? You had something with an Onyx or Obsidian or something like that..."

Peridot wavered then checked her device. After a couple of minutes, she shook her head.

"There's no more openings."

"Are you serious."

She shrugged, spinning the screen around to face her. "Sorry. We're planning more apartments, but they won't be done for another year."

Zircon massaged her temples. Of course nothing could go right.

"It's fine. I'm getting a job soon, so I'll move into their quarters. Until then I can just live outside."

"Okay, if that's what you want." Peridot shut off her screen. "Hopefully it doesn't rain."

"...'Rain'?"

She straightened up, eager grin on her face. "Oh, I get to do the talk!"

Thankfully, contrary to Peridot's warnings, no water ever did fall from the sky. For the next few days, Zircon's biggest concerns were whether those humming specks were some sort of heat-seeking projectile (they were not), where the whistling sounds kept coming from ('birds'), and how to appear busy while waiting for Amethyst to come find her.

It was nice, not having to deal with Yellow. Despite her boredom and discomfort, she had to congratulate herself on having the mettle to walk away from it all. She was sure both their lives were better for it.

On the fourth week, after wrapping up another 'Relationships and Communication' session, the Amethyst approached her.

"Get excited," she announced, "I got you a placement!"

She got excited.

"They wanna meet you before they give you the job, so whenever you're free-"

"I'm free now." She said quickly. "Let's go now."

They teleported from the town centre to the neighbouring city's warp zone. It was a simple, round-cornered hall made of steel and powder-blue glass, allowing a view of the world outside. No lines, no security, no other Gems, even— it made Zircon a little nervous.

"This is Beach City." Amethyst explained to her. "It's really chill."

They took a footpath along a soft-soiled ridge. To their left was the ocean, a roaring, churning mass that stretched off beyond the curve of the skyline. To their right, humans milled around a row of flimsy open-faced structures, chattering loudly. Some of them stared as they passed.

"There aren't any law firms around here, so we're gonna take the bus to Ocean Town."

The ‘bus’ was a miserable, cramped experience, a rattling cage of seats and poles that squealed defiantly at each corner.

"This is so primitive." She muttered to Amethyst.

A nearby human gave them a strange look.

"It's cool," Amethyst replied, "we're almost there."

By the time they arrived, Zircon had made peace with the fact that humans were crude and undeveloped. It still didn't prepare her for just _how_ basic her new workplace was. Situated above an exercise centre and with its entrance tucked in an alley, it was a slope-roofed, dun-coloured lump of porous stone, intermittently freckled with square windows. They had to take a staircase to the front door.

"Knock knock." Amethyst called into the buzzer. "We're here about the GHEM program?"

The door clicked, and she swung it open.

"Watch your head." She warned.

Zircon didn't understand until she smacked her brow on the doorframe. Screwing up her face, she ducked through.

Past the narrow hallway was what she guessed was the office. There were four desks, all occupied; a small, grimy lab area; and a pile of chairs propped up hazardously in the corner. On the back wall, a pair of glass doors led out onto a balcony.

"Afternoon." A human rose, coming up to greet them "You must be Amethyst and... Zirconia?"

"Zircon." She corrected.

The human offered a handshake and she bent down to accept it.

"Siv Bager, good to meet you. I'd offer you a chair, but they might not be too comfortable." She laughed. "How about we go talk on the balcony?"

She led them through the room; the other humans all stared as they passed. Outside, Zircon straightened her neck out with a sigh.

"So tell me a little about yourself."

She glanced at Amethyst, who gave her an encouraging wave.

"I was grown on Cerulean 5 in the Theta Kindergarten. I'm a Defence subgroup Zircon, facet-17D2 cut-3GK, Blue Diamond's court. After emerging, I served eight hundred years on Cer-5 before being sent to the BAC System's twelfth-ring moon for about two thousand years, and then Homeworld for thirteen hundred." She paused. Siv looked confused. "Was there... something else you wanted to know?"

"I think that all flew over my head." She gave a breathy chuckle. "Sorry, you'll need to put things into Earthling terms for us humans."

"Basically, she has a ton of work experience." Amethyst interjected. "She was, like, born knowing all the lawyer stuff."

"Sounds convenient."

Zircon watched her for a moment, then in a small voice asked "Did you need my record?"

"No, no, it's fine." Siv waved a hand. "I'd probably die of old age before I finished reading it all, anyway."

Her and Amethyst both laughed. Zircon blinked at them.

"Anyway, it doesn't seem like there's anything wrong with you, so congratulations. You've got the job."

"Just... just like that? No interrogation? No background check? You don't need a reference, transfer papers..?"

"No, we should be fine." She gestured to the door. "Do you have somewhere to be, or did you want to get the training done now?"

Zircon cupped a hand to her cheek. All of a sudden, she felt like she was choking.

"I can-" her voice cracked, and she took a deep breath, "I can train now."

"This is a pretty laid-back office, you won't have much busywork. Just help people out if they need anything."

They were heading back inside now to tour the space. Amethyst had left her alone with the humans, and she was trying not to panic.

"Folks, attention please." Siv clapped once, and the other humans looked up. "This is Zircon. She'll be assisting us here from now on."

A couple 'hi's rung out. Zircon waved, hunching her shoulders.

"Zircon, this our crew. Markos Pachis, Farhana Haber, and Akira Choi."

She pointed out each one, and Zircon made a mental note of their distinguishing characteristics. Markos was stout. Farhana wore a hood. Akira had glasses.

Siv clapped her on the shoulder. "Anyway, make us coffee."

The humans laughed.

For all the excitement she'd had about her new job, Zircon found it was actually pretty dull. For the first hour after training finished, all she did was sit in the corner and occasionally refill people's coffee cups. 'Coffee', she'd learnt, was burnt mud.

"Oy, E.T., can you get me a file from the cabinet?" Markos called out. He'd been the most demanding of her time. "Eltham v Castell, it's under 'E'."

She rose, scraping her head against the roof, and fetched the folder for him.

"Thanks, lovie." He raised his cup. "While you're up, go pop this in the sink."

She gave him a stony look, but complied. Part of her was beginning to wonder if she'd been given a Pearl's job.

Farhana, at least, washed her own cups— but she gave Zircon just as much attention as Markos did, and it was equally uncomfortable.

"Does your home planet have less gravity than Earth?" She asked, passing her the sponge. "Is that why you grow so tall?"

"...I think it's the same."

"Really? What is your skeleton made of?"

Zircon left the sink.

Weaving between the desks, she spotted Akira waving her over.

"Hey. Could you copy this form for me." Their tone made it sound like nothing was a question. Before Zircon had even responded, they'd gone back to their work.

"Sure, gladly." She muttered to herself as she punched at the copier's controls. "You're welcome."

"Everything alright?"

Her gaze darted up. Siv was stapling a print job; she smiled at her.

"You'll have to excuse the others. None of us have ever met an alien before, so we're all a bit curious." She leant in, eyebrows raised. "If you want to interrogate us about humans, feel free."

Zircon gave her a cautious smile. "It's okay. I've had worse colleagues." Her copies began to print, and she turned her attention to the tray. "Actually, I have a question for you."

"Shoot."

She blinked at her. "What?"

"Ask away, I mean."

"Oh." The copier stopped humming, and she grabbed her sheets. "When can I move in to the workplace quarters?"

"...You mean, like staff housing? We don't have that."

Zircon stared at her in distress.

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Siv asked.

She sighed, and hit the stack of sheets against her forehead.

"...Yes."

"That's time, people! Clear out before the Fair Work Bureau jumps down my throat."

Everyone rose from their seats at once, pulling on jackets and packing things into cases.Zircon watched them, trying to ascertain what was happening; when she couldn't understand she went to Siv.

"What's happening now?"

"We're going home. The workday's over."

Something sunk in her chest. "Why?"

"We close at 5?"

_"Why?"_

Siv gave her a funny look. "Well, you can't just keep working forever."

Zircon pressed her hands to her temples. She felt like she was spinning.

"Anyway, let's head out so I can lock up-"

"Wait. Waitwaitwait, no. I'll just stay here. I can work overnight."

"Zircon-"

"I'll find something to-"

"Zircon." Siv clamped a hand on her arm. "With all due respect, get out. Go home and sleep, or... recharge in the moonlight, whatever you people do."

"Please don't do this to me." Siv turned to leave, and she stopped her. "Seevbayger, this job is the only thing I have left. If I have to spend sixteen hours a day doing nothing, forever..." her breath caught; she tried to calm it, "I-I wouldn't be able to live. I'd shatter. If you could just give me _something_ to do-"

"Get some rest." She cut in. Then, softer, "I'll see you tomorrow. Nine o'clock, no sooner."

Zircon stared at her hopelessly, then with the greatest reluctance she'd ever felt, she forced herself out the door.

And then she was home, if she could call it that. 503, that wretched pit. She stood gripping the doorknob for several minutes before she could draw up the strength to enter.

"Blue!"

Zircon walked past her without a glance. When Yellow stood, trailing a few steps towards her, she spun on her heel abruptly.

"Before you start tearing into me," she hissed, "just know I'd rather be _anywhere_ but here."

Yellow blinked at her unsurely.

Before she could lose her composure entirely, she stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door. At once it was like anything keeping her together snapped and folded; she sat down on the rim of the tub and started to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to have this up yesterday or the day before, but the day before my mouse died and i had to go out all day, and yesterday i didnt finish writing in time. thankfully its finally done, and i made it extra long to compensate (but also bc i had a lot i wanted to include in this chapter).  
> im glad to finally get to the “work” section of this story, since its why i started writing this au!


	6. Trying New Things

Zircon wasn't used to crying. Not like this.

Sure, she'd done it before, once or twice— but those were just a few hasty blinks, stifled shuddering in the hall before trial or in her room, when she actually made it there. She'd never had the time to indulge herself, to let sorrow steep inside her core and spread entirely through her, dark and cold and heavy like the void between the stars.

Now she'd been crying for three hours, all those years of pent-up emotion were fading. Her shaky breaths stilled to nothing, her chest grew warm— in a strange way, she was starting to feel alright.

Until Yellow knocked on the door.

"Are you still upset at me?"

" _No_." Zircon called back, clenching her jaw.

"Oh, good." There was an awkward pause. "What's wrong with you then?"

She sighed, dug the corners of her palms into her eyes.

"Why do you care?"

Silence. After a minute Yellow retreated.

When morning came, Zircon left the house. Yellow had the courtesy to pretend not to see her as she passed; it might've been the only nice thing she'd ever done.

She intercepted Steven at the town entrance at 7:54 on the dot. He pulled to a stop, clambering out and locking his door before turning to address her.

"Tell me what happened."

It only took a few minutes to recap it all, walking beside him to wherever he had to be. Her form felt lighter when she finished.

"So, I went home." They stopped in the sportsfield by the benches. Zircon bit her tongue. "And- that's it."

"It sounds like things have been hard for you." Steven commented. He sat down, patting the spot beside him. "I'm really glad you've decided to stick it out, though, despite it all. Things are going to get better."

She stared at him, apprehensive and a little guilty.

"...I didn't 'decide to stick it out'. I don't really have a choice in being here."

He gave her a questioning look, and she continued.

"I was charged with treason after... you know. I should've just been shattered, but my Diamond," she sneered, "in her _infinite mercy,_ decided I should keep living, and go to prison instead.

"I don't know if things are different down here, but on Homeworld that's a fate worse than death. You lose your job, and the charges are a permanent blight on your record. No courthouse in the universe will take you," she rested her chin in her hands, "no matter how loyal you _were_."

"...I don't understand." Steven frowned, gesticulating. "When I wrote up the reforms, I made sure that stuff like treason wasn't a crime anymore. It shouldn't _be_ on anyone's record."

"Oh, it's not. But I'm still blacklisted. I can't go back to where I was, and they won't give me the reference I need to move off-planet." She made a wry face at him. "This is the only Gem city independent from the Homeworld system. So as much as I dislike this place, I'm stuck here."

The corners of Steven's mouth pulled tight. He looked down at the floor, eyes darting back and forth, before shooting her a sympathetic look.

"I think a lot of people here have a similar story to you. Not wanting to be here, but not able to go back home." He paused. "You wanna know what changed their minds about Earth?"

"What?"

"They found something they loved down here. Maybe it's friends, or nature, or some sort of hobby. Something that'll make them happy for the rest of their lives." He smiled to counter her grimace. "You'll figure yours out. You just need to start trying new things."

Zircon took a slow, deep breath and exhaled— a meditative pattern. If only a little, it quelled the turmoil in her chest. She wanted so badly to believe that he was right, but...

"...I can't just do that. I mean, it's easy for you to say: you're a _Diamond!_ You're much more competent than I am."

"I'm not better than you-"

"I know, I know," she pressed her fingers to her temples, "'all Gems are equal', I know. But _objectively speaking,_ a middle-grade Gem like me isn't built for as much as you are. I can't just snap my fingers and change everything about me and become a- a sculptor or..."

"Well, I didn't say it'd be easy." Some chatter in the distance caught Steven's attention. He glanced over briefly, spotting the approaching crowd. "Oh, my class is here. I have to get going. But, listen," he turned back to her, serious, "next time I head to Homeworld, I'll see what I can do about the blacklisting issue. Something like that shouldn't be happening."

"Thank you, Steven."

She saluted him. He screwed up his face and pushed her hands down.

"Just think about what I said, okay? Get out there and try some things you've never done before." He stopped, thinking. "Actually, what if we did it together? Would that be better for you?"

"Together?"

"Yeah. We could try out a bunch of different activities until you find something you like." Steven held his hands out, unfolded like a magazine. "Then you wouldn't have to do them in front of people you don't know. Would that be easier?"

Zircon twisted her fingers together. So much of her just wanted to say no, to stick with what was safe and trodden a thousand times— but the rational side of her knew that he was right. This wasn't Homeworld, and she had to stop acting like it was.

"Sure." She tried to sigh out the nerves in her throat. "We can do that."

The sun had reached its highest point of ascent by the time her last class, 'Relationships and Communication', was almost done. This was the topic Zircon found the most confusing, because, unlike law or maths or literacy, there were no concrete rules on how to communicate. Sometimes you were meant to 'assert yourself' and 'put you first', and other times that was rude and selfish, and you instead had to reach a compromise. In the past she'd tried to make a table of how she was meant to act and when, but it'd gotten too convoluted and she'd given it up.

"Don't forget our core principles: Communicate. Be honest. Be kind." Said Garnet. She ended every lesson with that mantra. "Class dismissed. I'll see you all next time."

The others got up and left, but Zircon hung back; when the vicinity was quiet enough for her, she coughed, drawing Garnet's attention.

"Hello again." She gave a nod, expression indiscernible behind her glasses.

"Hi." Zircon took a deep breath, flexing her wrists back and forth. This was important, she reminded herself. "Could I get your advice on something?"

"Shoot."

'All Gems are equal, all Gems are equal, all Gems are equal,' ran on loop in her head— something, for politeness' sake, she was desperately trying to believe.

"I need to make a request of my superior..." disgust clogged her throat, and she swallowed, blocking it down, "...I don't know how to act. Or what I should say to her. She's a human, if that matters."

"Hmm." Garnet tilted her head. "That's not a situation I'm very familiar with."

"Oh."

"But I'd say just be polite about it. Use 'please' and 'thank you'. And explain your motivations clearly."

She nodded, taking a step back. "Okay."

"Good luck." Garnet shot her a half-smile.

"Thank you."

She stumbled, physically and verbally, and without a second glance turned and hastened off.

"Print three copies, paperclipped. In colour; it's highlighted."

She'd only just walked through the door when Akira pushed a task on her, a stack of papers decorated with coloured stripes and stickers that they dropped half-attentively into her arms. Immediately a surge of relief hit her with such force that she almost thought she was destabilising.

She was back at work.

"You're welcome." She called over her shoulder, not ill-humouredly, as she went to the copier.

Akira looked at her with the slightest surprise before saying "Thanks."

Thank the stars, they kept her busier than the day before— and they were less obnoxious, too. Besides a questionable comment from Markos (calling Gems "green-skinned space babes", whatever that was), and some probing from Farhana about reproduction ("borderline sexual harrassment", Markos had laughed; she’d backed off quickly after that), the afternoon went pretty smoothly.

The only problem was, she couldn't talk to Siv— she wasn't there.

"...Did you just say 'Siv Bager', like as one word?" Markos said unhelpfully, when she asked him when Siv would be back.

"...Seevbay Ger?" She tried.

He just laughed.

"She's in court." Farhana interjected, frowning at Markos. "We don't know when she'll be back."

"I mean, she'll show up eventually to lock up, but we'll all be home by then."

"Oh." Zircon folded her arms, slightly frustrated. "I really needed to talk to her."

"Need a place to park your UFO?" Markos teased.

At the back of the room, Akira jumped up suddenly, causing them all to start. They held up a device, arm fully outstretched.

"Bager's on the phone. She only has ten minutes, so."

Zircon strode to them quickly and took the proffered device. She stared at its plain black screen, hesitantly hovering a finger over it.

"Hold it to your ear." Markos called out, demonstrating.

She complied, then waited.

"Am I supposed to talk into it?"

"Yes, you are." Siv replied, laughter in her tone. "What did you need?"

"Oh." Ducking her head, she crossed the room in three steps and exited onto the balcony. "Um, I wanted to talk about my job? Please? Thank you?"

"Okay."

She paused, waiting for more. "I... I don't mean any disrespect toward your leadership practices, just hypothetically, ah..."

"I won't bite your head off. If you have a problem, you can just tell me."

Static hummed in her ear. She inhaled deeply, then on a sigh rushed out "I just think I could be more useful to you if I was assigned cases."

"...You want casework?" There was silence for a bit. "Have you... do you have a degree? A college degree?"

Ice caught in her chest, a bundle of shards. "I don't know what that is."

"Okay. Hmm. Alright."

Zircon felt her breath grow uneven, and raised a clammy hand to her brow. She'd screwed it up. She'd angered her.

"Zircon, I know you have work experience, but if you're not qualified there's nothing I can do."

She squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm sorry. Just disregard this. I'm sorry I interrupted you."

"No, don't be _sorry_. Just..." she sighed down the line, "look, to work as an attorney you need to pass the bar, and to take the bar you need a law degree. They have exceptions to that last rule for foreign graduates; you're a little more foreign than most but... I can see what they can do for you. Maybe now that aliens exist they have new rules, I don't know." She paused, then let her tone grow gentler. "There's some books on the top shelf behind my desk. They're from when I was in college. You can take those home to flick through if you want, familiarise yourself with the content in case you get to take the exam. Just keep them in one piece, alright?"

"Alright."

"Okay. See you at five."

The static cut off, and a high note rung out. Zircon lowered the phone from her face.

She'd almost forgotten about the deal she'd made with Steven by the time she saw him next; he caught her at the warp-pad in town square.

"Hey." He swung his key-chain around his finger, flicking his head to his car. "Ready to go?"

Zircon blinked at him, then straightened up. "Oh, right. Yes."

He opened a couple doors for them and climbed in front. Zircon got into the back seat, leaning forward with her forearms against her knees. Her hair only just brushed the roof.

"Sorry, I know it's cramped." Steven said, adjusting his mirrors. "If you want, you can sit on the roof, or... can you shapeshift?"

She shook her head.

"Okay. It's just a short trip, anyway." He turned his key in its slot, and the engine yawned to life. "Buckle your seatbelt."

They weaved through an uneven plane of green, toward a skyline broken by a human settlement. Some noise churned from the car speakers, squeaky snaps and warbling monologue over a constant, smothered thudding.

"This is a hint on what we're going to do today." Steven suddenly announced, pointing toward the speaker console.

Zircon scrutinised it. "Talk?"

"No, music. Listen to music, make music..." he shrugged, "music was how I got another friend into Earth, so I figured it'd be a good place to start."

"Oh, I see."

After all the stories she'd heard, she'd expected music to be more stirring.

"This is called a ukulele."

Steven gave its strings a few experimental picks, twisting the knobs at the end of its stem. They were in his room now, sitting cross-legged on the floor; his roommates were downstairs, and had agreed not to disturb them.

"Here." He held the object out to her, and she took it gingerly. "Hold it right up against your chest, like I was just doing. ...Okay, now press your fingertip just above this line— that's second fret —and strum with your other hand."

An awful sound. Instantly she dropped it to the floor.

"It's okay!" Steven consoled, picking it up. "You just had your finger in the wrong spot-"

"I can't do it. I'm not made to use this thing."

He faltered, then set it aside. "You can't just give up after failing once. You're always gonna fail the first time you do something."

Zircon took a breath, hands pressed to her temples. Words wouldn't make it to her mouth.

After a beat Steven rose, carrying the ukulele off.

"Let me get you a different instrument. This one's probably a bit too small for you to play easily."

"Steven, I feel stupid doing this."

He pursed his lips, halfway across the room now, and hovered in place like a lost bird. "You're not stupid. You're just not used to not knowing how to do things." He dropped the ukulele on his bed and came back down to sit, pulling his phone out. "Look, we started too big. That's on me. Let's just listen to music instead of trying to learn something."

He pressed some buttons on his screen, and a cacophony rang out: scraping, clashing, screaming, and over that, melding in, a human talking about his ‘van’.

"My dad wrote this song." Steven explained. "He was a musician before I was born."

Zircon tried to smile at him. "It's... nice."

"You don't like it." She began to defend herself, and he raised his hands. "It's okay, you're entitled to your opinions. Let's try something else."

The next song was quieter, plunking and meandering like a stream in a rainstorm. Its notes individually were haphazard, speckled up and down the sound spectrum in what she could maybe call a pattern, if she transcribed it somehow, but to her seemed entirely random.

"Do you like this?"

"I'm... not sure." She fidgeted. "I don't think I can appreciate music."

"Sure you can. Everyone can." He stopped the recording, swiping some more. "Those were both Earth songs, so maybe you'd like some Gem stuff more. I have a concert I recorded."

Now came synthetics, a cluster of dizzily spinning chords and bobbing, toneless drones. She shook her head.

"No?"

"I just don't understand it. What's the purpose of this?"

"There's no purpose to music." Steven paused it. "It just sounds nice. It makes you feel things."

Her brows knitted together.

"I don't feel anything. It's just noise."

"That's okay. You haven't connected with anything yet." He shrugged, smiling, and began to type. "Here, I'll play you a classic. This is a super old song from a guy called Beethoven."

Nothing. She felt nothing. This must've been some venerated piece of human culture, and she just couldn't understand why.

"It sounds fine. I'm neutral on it." She said when it'd finished, shooting him an uncertain look. "It's just... meaningless, arbitrary sound. I don't..."

"Arbitrary? Can't you hear the pattern?"

Replaying the song, he began to tap on the floor. "One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four."

Zircon shook her head.

"Listen to the drums— the _thmp thmp_."

"It's not a pattern."

Steven stared at her, totally at a loss. After some time, he snatched his phone up, searching for something else.

"Look at this." He spun it to her, displaying a diagram. "This is the written form of that song."

"Oh! I can see it!" She grinned at him, illustrating with a finger. "It's up-down-up-down."

"Right!" He smiled back. "Listen to it again, see if you can hear that."

Try as she might, though, she couldn't. The song might've _looked_ like mountains and cliffs, but by ear it was nothing but plains. She couldn't hear the components, the coinciding of tones and melodies that Steven kept humming and counting and playing, over and over.

"You really can't get it." He finally said, a space in his voice.

"I told you, I'm not made for this."

Taking a deep breath in through his nose, then letting it out, he just shook his head, wan smile on his lips.

"We'll cross music off the list then. Are you free for something else tomorrow?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions i thought of while writing this chapter: is there too much dialogue? is the pacing and flow ok? is everyone still in-character? answers appreciated, its hard to judge myself bc i feel like im simultaneously doing better and worse with each chapter
> 
> edit to add a video i listened to while writing the end of this chapter (https://youtu.be/RENk9PK06AQ skip to 7:39). it’s a piano piece that is completely patternless, it helped for putting myself in the character’s perspective.


	7. Spending Time Together

Music was a failure. Music was not something for her. But this— the law, transcribed physically —this was her element.

She'd gotten through two books and had started on the third by the time Yellow walked in. Opening the door the smallest bit, then stilling; Zircon ignored her, and she stalked up behind, coming to lean on the head of her chair with both forearms.

"A law book?" Reaching over her, Yellow looped a finger below the page. "All that prison time made you forget how to do your job?"

She snapped the book shut, just barely pinching her.

"Go away."

"What?" The word was light, amused, like Zircon was some scatterbrained witness. "What are you upset about _now?_ I didn't do anything."

Pointedly, she ignored her. Yellow came around within her view.

"Is this still about the thing from a month ago?"

"You never apologised."

"You said you were over it." Scoffing, she helped herself to a seat on the arm. "Honestly, you blue gems— you're so _irrational_."

Rising suddenly, Zircon beamed up her things and stormed off. Yellow stared after her, muted confusion drawing her still. She frowned.

"You _said_ you weren't upset."

Zircon paused, momentarily considering not gracing her with a response. It would've been the smart thing to do— but she spun to face her. How irrational.

"I'm not _upset_. There's no point in being upset when you're never going to change." She was drawing from Garnet's lessons, voice wobbly and thin. "Four thousand years, we've been acting like this! It's insane, a-a-and I'm done with- arguing with you, and- just _you_. Stars, _I am done with you!"_

Yellow stared, wide-eyed. "I-"

"I'm going to go read in the bedroom. Leave me alone in there."

Without waiting for a response, she turned and left. The adrenaline faded quickly, and it took all her resolve to stay straight-backed until the door was shut behind her, and she could slump, hands on face, against the wall.

She'd done it. After so many years, she'd done it.

—

She burnt through her classes then went to work, still buzzing with the high of self-assertion. It was raining, a timid drilling on the bus roof and cold tracing fingers down her neck, but she didn't mind. Arriving in the shelter of the stairwell, she took the steps three at a time then punched in the entry code, repelling the water off herself before stepping inside.

"Hey, there's our barista." Markos winked at her, holding up his mug in a faux-shaky hand. "Flat white, ASAP. The withdrawals are killing me."

"I'll have a black coffee." Farhana called from the printer. "And Akira's in the bathroom, but they'll probably just take it black with two sugars."

"I know your usual orders." Zircon dismissed. She pulled up her coffee-related files and gathered their cups, pausing at Siv's desk. "Does Siv have another trial?"

"It's the same case. She'll probably be finished with it in a few days."

The inefficiency of Earth continued to astound her.

Working through their orders with a pleasant precision, she dismissed her instruction screens one-by-one. She didn't like to have them out too long— they made Farhana stare at her like she was sprouting appendages.

"Oh, coffee. Nice." Akira returned, taking their mug from the counter with a nod of thanks. "Now that you're here, I need some files proofread. If you can read English."

Zircon took up the other cups.

"I'm almost fluent. I haven't finished the course yet, but-"

"Right. Don't worry then."

They walked off. Behind their back, Zircon rolled her eyes. Farhana noticed and snorted, mouthing to her 'Don't worry about it'.

"You can proofread _my_ files." She said, when she passed her her drink.

"You can _write_ my files." Added Markos. "I hate paperwork."

"I can?"

"Oh, well, you need to be certified." He picked up a stack of folders and dropped them with a _whump_. "Otherwise I'd definitely pawn all this off on you."

Certifications again. She grimaced.

"Maybe Siv will make an exception." Farhana said, shooting her a smile. "I mean, you don't need to pass the bar just to do paralegal work."

"I guess I can talk to her when she gets back." She folded her arms, wavering in place. "Um, did you want me to proofread something now..?"

"Oh, uh. Maybe this one." She held out a thick wad of affidavits. When Zircon began to leave, she tacked on "Hey, before I forget, I'm going out for drinks tomorrow night with some college friends. I told them about you and they'd love to meet you, so did you want to come along?"

Zircon blinked. "To drink coffee..?"

"Alcohol. It's more about spending time together than just drinking, though."

Homeschool had not prepared her for this. She stared at her, mind scrambling for a logical foothold.

"You... want to spend time with me."

"Sure!" Farhana nodded. "We all do! You're so interesting!"

"You could literally talk about space toilets for three hours and they'd be thrilled." Markos rolled his eyes, grinning. "They're all massive sci-fi nerds."

She was still completely lost, but didn't want to push it further. "Okay. Sounds good."

"Great!" Farhana looked like she could bounce through the ceiling. "We'll leave together after work tomorrow."

The plan was filed away into the back of her mind— something to worry about later. For now, there was Steven's activity.

They were sat on the sand by his house, sun dimmed and ocean crawling towards them, white tongues of froth scorching the soil gold-brown. She was trying to capture it with pencil and paper, sketching loose like Steven had shown her. It wasn't perfect.

"It looks great." Steven said when she voiced her thoughts. "Are you having fun?"

"I guess. It's nice to do something with my hands." She studied her work, bend of organic squiggles. "I wish coloured pencils existed."

He laughed. "They do. Sorry, I just didn't think to grab any. I can go get some if you want."

"It's fine. It's getting late anyway."

Tearing out her pictures, she beamed them into her gem. Steven collected their equipment and they headed for the house.

"Same time tomorrow?"

"I can't." She hesitated, mulling on whether to explain. Glanced at him. "Can I ask you about an Earth concept?"

"Sure."

They'd walked upstairs and to his warp; Zircon stopped beside it.

"Tomorrow after work, my coworker want to drink alcohol with me and her friends. Does that... mean anything?"

Steven broke into a grin, and she dropped her shoulders in relief.

"That's really great! That's a good thing. They want to be friends with you."

"Y-You think so?" Nerves throttled the eagerness in her voice. "She called me interesting, but I'm not..."

"You're good, don't worry." He shot her a sincere look. "I'm happy for you, Zircon. This is going to be such a good thing for you."

Zircon pressed a hand to her cheek, flustered smile warming her skin.

"Alright. Hopefully I do well. I've never had a friend before."

"You'll be fine. Just be yourself and have fun."

Steven began moving towards the door, hand raised in farewell.

"Let's do Saturday at ten. I'll come pick you up in the Dondai and you can tell me all about it."

"Okay." She copied his gesture, stepping onto the warp pad. "Thank you, Steven."

"No problem. Seeya."

She phased off.

—

It seemed like no time at all until she found herself squeezed into Farhana's car, sprawled inelegantly along the back seat while she sat up front. The evening sun was still high and traffic was dense; they hadn't talked since the start of the trip, so she stared silently out the window. Music from the speakers shook the glass.

"There'll be two other people there, Zircon." Farhana suddenly addressed her, head turned so slightly she could only just see the curve of her cheek. "They're already at the bar, so they're ordering for us right now. Do you want anything?"

"No thanks. I can't drink."

"You can't drink or you can't _drink?"_

"...Both?"

"Wow." She had to focus on the road, but Zircon could see her eyes light up in the centre mirror. "That's so interesting."

The bar was bustling by the time they arrived; groups of people spilt into the walkways, unable to find seats, and everyone passing through was forced to manoeuvre themselves around them. It reminded Zircon of the overcrowded commons area in her Homeworld quarters— except that place had at least been built for someone like her. In a room that never expected anything more than stunted humans, she stood out more than she ever had in her life. It was something she should've been used to after catching the bus twice a day, but she still recoiled into herself at the whispers and stares. They made her skin crawl.

At least the booth seemed like it would offer a little privacy. It was walled off, demarcated by a numbered card on the table; the people sitting there watched them arrive, rising to greet Farhana before they all took their seats. It was then that their attention turned to her.

"Oh, hey!" This person— orange-haired, that was her distinguisher —gave her an enthusiastic grin. "You must be the extraterrestrial. Z..." she frowned, "Zzzzzargon."

"Zargon's a Star Force character." Said the other human.

"It's Zircon, Berta. Like the birthstone." Farhana turned to her then, directing her attention with a hand. "Zircon, this is Berta and that's Khamisi. We were in the astronomy club in college, so obviously we're all very excited about this new Space Race era."

"We're still up on the hard science, so feel free to vomit your super-advanced space facts all over us." Berta starbursted her fingers to illustrate.

"Anything you can tell us at all about your species would be amazing." Khamisi smiled. "Honestly, just seeing someone like you is blowing my mind right now. Who ever thought it'd be _our_ generation that discovered intelligent life?"

"And now we're sitting at a bar with The Terror From Beyond Space." Berta laughed. "Don't get too drunk, we'll get abducted! Aah!"

Zircon frowned at them.

"That's just a joke." Farhana whispered to her. Then, louder for the rest of the group, she said "First thing's first, you should show them your holograms, Zircon! Remember I told you about those, guys?"

"Ah yes, the Tony Stark interface."

"Oh, I'm excited for this! Blind us with science, Zee!"

They were all looking up at her so eagerly— she burnt up, shooting them an apprehensive smile.

"This?" Flicking her finger in a line from her monocle, she extracted some random files. The humans made whooping noises.

"Can I touch it? Oh my god, I can touch it!"

"This is amazing." Khamisi inspected a screen, turning it over in his hand. "What is this made out of? Solid photons?"

"It's hard light."

"Right, yes, photons." He squinted at the writing on the screen before passing it to her. "Could you read this out? I'd love to hear what your language sounds like."

Zircon glanced from him to the slide, befuddled.

"'My language'? We're speaking it right now."

They all frowned. She gently placed down the slide, touch shrinking away from it.

"Aren’t we? We have the same language..." Now nerves clogged her throat— why weren't they talking? "I-I don't know how, maybe-"

"Maybe her species has some Babel fish thing and she doesn't know about it." Berta saidaside to Khamisi. "Like Hitchhiker's Guide."

"Or maybe there's some space opera magic going on." He smirked, then looked up at Zircon. "Don't worry about it. Tell us about your home planet instead."

"It's very different, isn't it, Zircon?" Farhana nudged her. "What's the biggest difference between here and back home?"

Deep breath, stilling herself. This wasn't some court trial, she had to think. She wasn't being attacked. This was a conversation.

"I guess what's been most jarring is how much free time you have here. It's hard to adjust to, but I'm starting-"

"So on your home planet you work a lot?" Berta interjected. "Are you a queen-hive society?"

"Zircon's species doesn't need to eat or sleep, right, Zircon? You can survive working constantly. That's what you do, right?"

Khamisi raised his eyebrows, odd smile on his lips. "A tireless slave empire. Like the Vraxians in Star Force."

Everyone laughed but her.

"Speaking of Star Force," Berta held up a hand to her, "sorry, Zee, putting a pin in you. Has anyone seen the new episodes yet?"

The conversation trailed off— she couldn't follow the topic anymore. Tuning them out, Zircon stared at the table and twisted her fingers in her lap. It'd never been so crushingly lonely to be surrounded by other people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one took longer to finish than the other chapters, i took about a week’s break from writing


	8. The Greenhouse

Zircon didn't know what to think. About the humans, about how they acted— about herself. She felt so pathetic. Who was she to have just assumed they'd like her as a person? How could she let herself fall for Steven's ludicrous imaginings?

It was irrational. _She_ was irrational.

The weight of thinking grew too heavy; the ache of feeling, of being consciously there and so badly not wanting to be, led her to her room head-down. Behind the bathroom door, she slid to a seat and clasped her hands over her eyes.

If the world outside could just stop—

Hefting herself to the rim of the tub, she crawled into its recess and lay facedown. Let the water well over her, rending her senseless and cold.

—

At some point, Yellow came in to shut the tap off. In the gap of silence it left, Blue could almost hear the vibrations of her body; she sat down beside her, reaching a hand through the skin of the water and patting her lightly on the back.

"Welcome to Earth."

The words were lifeless. Without waiting for a response, she left the room and shut the door.

—

At five to ten an alarm from her gem disturbed the nothing; groaning, she pushed herself up on her elbows and checked the alert.

Meeting with Steven. Of course.

Zircon pitched her head forward and hacked out the water that'd pooled at the bottom of her throat. Her nose was full of the stuff too—what a stupid decision she'd made. Had she done a single thing right since being assigned the Rose Quartz case? Since ever?

Stepping out onto the tiling, she repelled the water off her and straightened herself out, hands light and anxious in their adjustments. Ten o'clock now. Steven would already be waiting for her. He might get upset if she took any longer— stars knew she was hard enough to deal with already, he was always so frustrated, and this would really be the tipper on the scale-

Maybe she could just stay. He'd be angry that she hadn't shown up to their commitment, but if he never saw her again he couldn't-

That was ridiculous.

But the bathroom was perfectly okay. She could lock the door. She wouldn't have to deal with work, or Yellow, or-

Alone in the dark forever. She was being completely illogical, and now it was five past— bringing knuckles to her teeth, hand clenched to her chest— she hadn't been this bad in so long-

What was wrong with her? One bad evening. It was one bad evening, and she really should've seen it coming, been realistic. She was a Zircon; logic embodied. Where was that now, when she was so lost and mindless she was honestly considering eternal self-isolation?

Ten past. Oh stars, she had to go.

But her fingers paused on the door handle, bodily chills taking stability from her limbs. It was too hard. She couldn't do it. She'd never been able to do it, and things were so much easier when she was inside and alone-

There was a knock on the door to the hall. She heard Yellow shuffle over, exchange some greetings, tone coloured with surprise. It must've been Steven.

Zircon bit hard into the knuckle of her index finger, little pain alleviating the crushing in her throat, chest, abdomen. They were still talking; she had time to- what? It was too late now. He must've been furious if he'd come all this way-

"Hey, Zircon? The other Zircon said you were in here."

She froze.

"Is everything alright? Can we talk?"

Static buzzed in her mind, clouding her thoughts to white mush. She took a step back from the door, arms gripped tight around herself as if she needed to hold her form together. On the other side, Steven sighed. She was awful. He was so, so upset.

"I'm going to come in. Is that okay? I just want to help you."

If she had to look at him, she knew she would cry.

Steven entered. Case proven.

"Oh, hey, hey, hey, are you alright?" He switched the light on and shut the door, moving slowly forward. "What happened? Did something go wrong last night?"

The words wouldn't leave her throat. Their hooks caught and sunk into the lining of her neck, piling and writhing and clogging the gap to her mouth like a litre of dense, silty runoff. She couldn't breathe. And now things were shaking, vision blurred, fingers buzzing grey in the panic that consumed her. She was choking. She was falling apart.

Steven led her to sitting, gentle even as she death-gripped his shoulders.

"It's okay. Hey. You're okay." He patted her arms, brows drawn together. "Try and focus on your senses. We're in the bathroom. The floor is wet. It's a bit cold." He paused. "We can't hear anything, but you can hear me. Focus on me. You can feel my jacket, right? What does it feel like?"

It was soft. It was warmer than her.

"You're doing great. We're going to try and breath slowly, okay? Just copy me."

In a few minutes, she'd calmed down enough to release the tautness in her form; she let go of Steven, offering an apologetic brush to his shoulders for the pain she must've caused. Steven moved to sit beside her.

"All good now?"

She nodded, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be."

"I wasn't even going to go out-"

"Zircon, it's fine. I know what its like, being anxious." He shot her a tired smile, chin cupped in one hand. "You're trying to be normal, and do what everyone else can do, but it's harder. When your own brain is sabotaging you, you're going to give in sometimes and do things you don't want to do. And that's okay. Even if you give up, it's okay."

Zircon pressed her fingertips to her eyelids, white rings in her vision. A shaky breath brought her near to crying again, so she stopped breathing.

"I just wish I wasn't defective like this."

"I know." A hand on her knee, reassuring. Steven leant his head against her shoulder. "I know."

—

He eventually coaxed her out of the house and into his car, and they made the trek to his home. Zircon didn't speak the whole way; he let her be silent. When they finally stopped, neither of them moved to get out.

"If you don't feel up to doing something, we can just go sit down."

"It's fine."

He nodded, unbuckling his seatbelt. "Well, I planned a relaxing activity today anyway. At least, it helps me relax."

He guided her through his house and upstairs until they reached a glass room. Steven opened the door and stood aside, gesturing for her to pass.

"This is my greenhouse. It's where I do all my gardening."

Inside it was muggy and damp. Green basketed statues covered a dozen surfaces and hung suspended from the walls; some were decorated with crepe-thin pieces of teardrop plastic, or curling wings. Others were protected by spines.

"You made all these?" Crossing the room, Zircon touched one— it was waxy and pliable. "They're so intricate. Why did you paint them all green?"

Steven blinked. "Uh. They just grow that way."

The words struck like a fist to the head.

_"Grow."_

"Yeah. I guess you've never seen anything like this before, huh?"

Walking up beside her, he leant down and pointed at the flat, circular wing she was holding. "These are plants, and these parts of them are the leaves. They're full of these things called chloroplasts, which are like tiny little blobs that suck up sunlight to help the plant grow. They're what makes them green."

"So it's..." her eyes darted over the plant, "...a machine."

"No, it's a living thing like you and me."

Zircon flinched, jerking her hand back and rubbing her fingers where she'd been touching the leaf, ghostly impression burning her skin white-hot. Steven stared at her in surprise.

"Can it hear us?" She hissed.

"Um, technically?"

That was not a response that reassured her— she stepped back further, gem clutched protectively, and Steven raised his palms.

"No, well, it can't _understand_. It's not exactly like us, it's just... agh, how do I explain this..?"

Zircon pointed to her eyes, then to the plant.

"...No, it can't see."

She made another motion.

"It can't speak- oh, breathe. Yeah, plants breathe."

Frantic, she waved her wrists at the atmosphere, then pointed to where her ears would be if they were externally visible. Steven screwed up his brows.

"I don't understand that one. Look, you don't have to be scared. The plants can't move. Even if they _could_ understand you, they wouldn't be able to do anything."

Zircon fidgeted and glanced towards the exit.

"Can we leave?"

Once they'd shut the door behind them she let out a sigh of relief, slumping down heavily against the railing and and rubbing its cold, lifeless metal with fondness. Steven came up beside her.

"I was really hoping this'd be something you liked, too." He gave her a lopsided grin.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you." She ran a hand down her cheek, smiling back at him. "I'm sure 'gardening' is great, but I think I'll be happy to never see a plant again."

There was an awkward silence. She shot him a wary glance.

"...Where are they."

Steven ducked his head, straight face twisting. "Everywhere."

 _"No."_ He burst out laughing, and she joined in despite herself. "The green things stuck in the dirt."

"That's grass."

"And the towers too?"

"You mean trees?"

"You people just walk all over them, and sit down, a-and break them! _Sentient beings!"_

"Homeworld _literally_ has living walls!"

"But they love being walls!" Now that she was saying it, it sounded ridiculous— Steven burst into fresh hysterics. "You can ask them... alright, wait-"

_"They love being walls."_

"I see your point-"

 _"They_ love _being walls."_

"But plants just sit there so unassumingly- _menacingly-"_

"The _plants!"_

"Steven, it's horrifying!"

There was no calming him down. She snorted, chin propped in her hand, and waited for him to finish.

"Oh my god." Steven elbowed her, final breath leaving him. _"Plants._ What are you going to do now?"

"I'll just have to never leave the house again." She realised what she was saying halfway through, words slowing. The smile dropped from her face. "Or..."

"Or, we'll help you get used to them." He pointed a thumb over his shoulder, expression softening. "Want to try for a round two? I promise nothing's going to eat you."

Zircon hesitated, hand tightening on the rails. She glanced towards the greenhouse, shoulders tensed.

"Sure. I'll try."

—

It had just ticked over to PM when she returned home, silently sliding open the door and slipping through in the hopes of not attracting attention. Thankfully, Yellow was out.

Zircon drew the curtains then stepped back, and ever-so-gently beamed her plant out and onto the ledge. With one finger, she poked at its pot until it'd slid to dead centre; then she drew out its living requirements, its pitcher and care instructions, and placed them gingerly beside it.

It didn't move.

"What is that?"

She turned around; Yellow was in the bedroom doorway. When their eyes met, they both looked away.

"It's a plant. Its name is Jade."

"Oh!"

Yellow straightened abruptly, snapping her wrists into a salute. The two stared at one another a moment longer before she broke into a nervous grin.

"Get it? Because Jades outrank us."

"Ah. It's a joke." Zircon turned away. "Alright."

"Alright?"

Silence.

She heard Yellow inhale, then stop breathing. After another minute she left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jsijhw i KNOW IT’S BEEN A MONTH  
> i took a super long break to work on drawing and relax and a ton of stuff happened in my life so i was really busy, but now another chapter is here! i’m not going to abandon this fic before it’s done


	9. Stephen And Zirconia Go To Starboks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just in case this isnt obvious, this is set the day after Little Graduation!

It was five-twelfths through Sunday when Steven knocked on her door again. Zircon dismissed her screen and rose to greet him, slightly startled— she hadn't thought they'd made plans.

"Steven, hi!" Mind flicking at a million frames per second, she settled on the worst-case scenario with some level of dread. "We didn't have something on today, did we? What time was it-"

"No, no, it's fine! I totally forgot to set another date with you. I just thought if you were free we could go try another hobby?"

Zircon let out a breath she'd unconsciously held, grip loosening on the doorframe. "Okay, sounds good." A pause— she felt awkward, talking in the open like this. "Is this a situation where I can invite you inside..?"

Steven gave a thin laugh. "Yeah, sure. Good Earth etiquette."

She stepped aside to let him pass, closing the door behind him.

"Yellow's in the bedroom, so she won't bother us. Sorry if she was rude to you yesterday."

"No, she was fine." Steven took a seat; she copied him. "I actually don't think she remembered meeting me before."

"Oh, that's so like her." Her voice was flecked with disgust. "Nobody exist in Yellow's world but Yellow."

A door clicked shut behind them; Steven spun to look, face marred with concern. Zircon didn't bother turning around.

"I think she heard us."

"It doesn't matter, Steven."

"But you guys shouldn't get along this badly if you live together! Wouldn't you rather be friends? I could help you!"

Zircon shrugged, discomfort crawling up her. "You already tried to help me with her, remember? It didn't work." At the despair on his face, she added "It's fine, honestly! I'll just move out some day and never speak to her again!"

"But you shouldn't _hate_ the people you live with!" He rose. "Look, I'll go get her out here and we can talk things out-"

"I don't _want_ to talk to her."

"But..!"

Steven took a deep breath, releasing clenched fists and bringing his fingers up to comb through his hair. After a second, he sank down onto the couch.

"...But, I need to give you guys your space. It's none of my business if you two aren't friends." A sigh, and his hands fell to his lap. "I'm sorry. I had kind of a rough night, I guess."

"It's okay."

Zircon stared down at her fingernails, then across to the stunted table. Siv's law books were there, perfectly stacked. Something seized inside her at the thought of going back to work on Monday. Glancing away, she fidgeted with her shirtsleeve to distract herself.

"Do you want a coffee?"

Steven hummed. "Sure. Sounds amazing."

"Alright. I don't have a coffee machine, but if you have one on you-"

He laughed, short and loud, and glanced at her.

"Let's just head to a cafe. My treat."

"Order for... Stephen and Zirconia?"

Steven collected their drinks, grinning when he turned and saw her dismayed expression. "Don't worry. They get everyone's names wrong. It's kind of a staple of Starboks."

"Kind of a staple of Earth." She said sardonically , accepting her drink and following him to a seat.

A few moments passed in silence between them as Steven drank. His coffee was bright pink, decorated with glitter and wads of fabric (which, to her disgust, he ate). Zircon, not knowing her own tastes, had asked for hers black. When she took her first sip, it scalded her mouth lining and the bitterness made her cringe.

"You know, this is a great place we ended up." Steven commented, licking fabric residue off his fingers. "Lots of people hanging around, cozy atmosphere... it's a great place to make friends."

Zircon nodded. "I know. Humans bond over drinking together because liquid is essential to their survival." Staring down at her cup, she hesitantly took another sip. "I can't imagine needing external resources to survive. How horrifying."

"It's not so bad." He tapped a circle on the table with his fingertips, stirring his drink. "Speaking of, you never told me how the thing with your coworkers went. Was it... okay?"

Zircon froze, movements hitching for the slightest second before she made herself resume. "Oh... well. It went pretty terribly." Fingers finding the rim of her cup, she traced it nervously, then took another sip. Drinks had multifunctionality, it seemed. They were something to do with your hands, a way to stall. "But it's alright. You know, social interaction just isn't for me. I've spent my whole life without it," a fragile laugh, "and I can find things to do on my own! Like, I wanted to show you..."

"What do you-"

"This!" She drew some files out, spinning them to face him with a gesture. "Look, I've been sketching on my own. This one's Jade-"

Steven pushed the screens aside. "What do you _mean_ 'social interaction isn't for you'? That's terrible!"

Zircon flinched, fingers curling into her palms. Her holograms broke and dissipated.

"I... I just..." she groped blindly for words, voice hollow and reedy; another shaky sip of coffee, face burning— then, speaking into the cup, "I'm happier on my own..."

"You can't just decide to be alone forever because one thing went wrong. That's not right! That's not healthy!"

Steven's volume was rising, and without looking Zircon knew people were staring at them. Shielding her face with her hand, she ducked her head.

"Can we talk about this in private?" She muttered. "I can't just- we're in public... It's a bit..."

For several seconds Steven said nothing, and she focused on the sound of his breath. It caught, slowed, and then he sighed. From the corner of her eye, she saw his palms flatten on the table.

"Yeah. Sorry. Sorry I freaked out. Let's go."

It was apparently too cold for humans to visit the beach, because the sand dunes were barren when they stumbled their way down them and came to a seat below the ridge. Steven drained the last of his drink, and Zircon hoicked hers back into her cup. He shot her a weird smile.

"So."

"So." She sipped her tepid coffee. Steven wrinkled his nose.

"That's so gross."

Cringing, she spat it up again. "Oh, sorry."

"No, uh." He chuckled, mouth barely moving. "It's fine. If you want to do that."

Bringing his knees to his chest, Steven folded his arms around them and tucked his chin. A harsh wind sent his curls bobbing.

"Do you... want to continue that conversation? I know I was kind of..."

"You were fine. You're right, about me." Clutching her drink in both hands, Zircon spun it until the black markered not-her-name was facing up. "I'm not supposed to- you know, yesterday, that thing I was doing? In the bathroom. That... glitch." Clear plastic began to crumple under her fingers, distorting the human scrawl. She set it down, gripping her knees instead. "...Zircons aren't supposed to be like that."

"Oh," Steven frowned, voice heavy with sympathy, "Zircon, there's nothing wrong with being-"

"I know! It's okay to be different! I've been to all my lessons, but just- just- just _forgetting_ about that ideology for one second, there _is_ something wrong!" She hiccupped, turning to him wide-eyed. " _This_ is wrong! Look at me! One thing went wrong, _days ago,_ and I'm _still_ upset over it! I- I'm so _scared!_ I don't even know why, because it's _nothing,_ like you said-"

"It's not nothing! You're allowed to be upset if something bad happened."

She shook her head. She was going to cry. She was actually going to cry.

Steven stilled, scuffing his feet against the sand. When she didn't say any more, he unfurled, placing a hand against her shoulder.

"Do you need some space?"

Zircon shuddered and hid her face, as the last of her strength slipped off in a wave of something bitter— she tried to breathe normally, like Steven couldn't tell she was sobbing.

"I'm so sorry I brought this up. I can walk away, do you want me to walk away?"

"No, I'm fine. It's not you."

She dug her fingers into the sand. It was cold, sludgy, and damp.

"I never realised I was this upset about all this." A wobbly breath, eggshell smile taped over it. "I guess I've actually never talked about this before."

"Is it... helping?"

She stared down at her lap, colours grey in the waning sun.

"It's supposed to, isn't it? But I just feel worse. Is that normal?"

"Yup.” Steven sighed. “Super normal."

"Ah."

Zircon inhaled thickly, nerves breaking her voice— she tried to laugh. "And, if I hate myself, is that..?"

"Oh, Zircon." Steven wrapped his arms around her; she stiffened, having to remind herself that this was affection on Earth. "That's... that's normal too. It's not _good,_ but... it's normal."

Zircon slumped against him. The physical contact was making her unreasonably weepy.

"Great."

He laughed, glancing up at her. "Yeah, it sucks. But things can get better if you have help, and people to support you."

"Like friends."

"Like friends, yeah. I was thinking counselling too, if you're up for that. I can book the sessions for you."

She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. Clouds were filling the sky like dense plumes of smoke, chilling the air around them further. She felt like she could sink through the floor.

"Whatever you think I should do."

"Do you need me to walk you home?"

"I know where my house is."

"I know but... are you-"

"I'm fine." Zircon pressed the heels of her palms to her temples, trying to stave off whatever was threatening to come over her. "I'm sorry I'm such a- disaster lately. I'm being ridiculous."

Steven winced.

"No, you're not."

His phone buzzed, and he stopped, checking its screen. "Oh. Garnet said she's got some times free Mondays, if thats good for you." The slightest tension, hesitance. "She's our counsellor."

"Monday's fine. Does she work before nine?"

Eyes wide, Steven beamed at her, and she shrunk back, returning the smile uncertainly. Choosing not to comment, he looked back at his chat log.

"Yeah, she has an eight o'clock. I'll let her know you want to see her then." Tapping a few words out, he sent the message with a swoop of his finger and put his phone away. "See you tomorrow after work?"

Zircon groaned. "Oh, we were meant to do something today!"

"It's fine!" He raised his hands, reassuring. "It was way too stressful for you, anyway. We can save it for another time."

They'd reached Beach City's warp zone, just in time for rain to start pattering down from the sullen blanket of sky above. Steven hugged her again; this time, she returned it.

"See you around, Zircon. Come talk to me if you need anything."

"Thanks." They stepped apart. "You're... you-" Raising a hand to her cheek, she stared uncertainly at him. "Are we friends?"

Steven laughed, disbelieving. "Oh my gosh, we are. I never even said it! I'm the worst! Geez, look at me worrying about you being all alone, and here I am hanging out with you every day and talking about feelings..."

"Well, we're Gems." She shrugged, lips quirking. "We're... not good at relationships."

"Ugh, why is that so true?" He pressed a hand to his brow, shooting a grin at her. "We should just pretend to be humans. Maybe it'd be easier that way."

"Stephen and Zirconia?"

"Stephen and Zirconia!" Hopping onto the warp, he shot her a final dry look, rolling his eyes. "Catching the human train home to their human families. Goodbye!"

A flash of light engulfed him, and he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes i wish i couldve updated this sooner D: it just took a while to figure out the events of this chapter. it wasnt until after SUF’s finale that i could figure out what i wanted to happen


	10. Fig. 1 - A Gem, Mid-Dissection

Zircon had ducked her way into the counsellor's building at quarter to eight on the dot, furtive glance thrown over her shoulder and hands clenched tightly into fists. No one had looked at her. No one else was in the waiting room. Shoulders relaxing, she sat down and stared silently at the wall for fifteen minutes, until finally Garnet arrived.

"It's good to see you, Zircon." She said. "Come in and take a seat."

Following Garnet into her office, she selected a chair nearest to the door, a wide squashy thing weaved with pictures of the sun. Like the rest of the room, it was a tastefully muted shade of blue. Her skin blended right in against the needlework.

Garnet sat across from her, pad of paper on her lap. Clicking her pen, she gestured openly to her and said "We can start whenever you're ready."

Zircon blinked. "What do you want me to do?"

"Whatever you want. This is your journey— you plot the course, and I'll help you steer. You can tell me what you want to get out of these sessions, or ask me some questions, or just tell me about your day so far. Whatever you feel like you need to do."

Oh. Like everything on Earth, this was going to be nebulous.

Zircon smoothed the creases out of her pants, gaze fixing on the checked carpet before it found its way back to Garnet. "I guess we should start with why I'm here." A pause— Garnet said nothing. "I... I have this-"

'Problem'? That was too vague. But 'defect' or 'flaw' felt too condemning, too heavy to voice.

Looking away again, she shrugged. She wished Steven had filled his roommate in for her.

"Take as much time as you need." Garnet said.

She nodded. Opened her mouth again— and nothing would leave her.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright. If it's difficult to start there, we can go for something smaller." She leant back, presenting a warm smile to her. "You could tell me about yourself, if you want. What you're interested in, what you do every day. Stuff like that."

"Oh, that's not that interesting." Zircon pressed her hands together, corners of her mouth pulling up weakly. "Besides homeschool and work, I don't really do anything else. Lately Steven's been trying to help me find hobbies, and I guess I've picked up sketching, but I'm no Kyanite. It's just... something to do with myself."

"It's good you're trying to find new interests. Must be a step outside of your comfort zone."

She scoffed; Garnet paused, writing something.

"I'd love to see some of your drawings," she continued, "if you have any with you."

"Oh. Uh." Fumbling for her monocle, she pulled out some of her works, spinning them midair and flicking them off to her. Garnet studied them, expression indiscernible, and she felt herself grow hot.

"They're not that good. I don't know what I'm doing, and obviously I wasn't built for something like this. I'm just- I don't know..."

"No, these are well done. I like them." Garnet lifted her head, visor catching the light. "But you were concerned I wouldn't. You felt like you had to attack yourself, so that if I tried to insult you it wouldn't hurt so badly."

Zircon withered inwards, and without comment drew her screens away. A few seconds passed without Garnet saying a word; at a loss, she hugged herself, staring into the pattern on the floor.

"You're freezing up on me, Zircon." It was gentle. "Let me know what you're thinking."

"I don't know."

"Whatever's in your head. Just say the first thing that comes to mind."

A sharp breath, closing her eyes. Fingers unclenching from her arm to knead her forehead, bumping her monocle on the way up.

"I... I did the wrong thing? I did _something_ wrong. You're upset at me. I didn't- it wasn't on purpose. Whatever it was. I don't know. I'm sorry? Will it be alright if I just say I'm sorry?"

"It was always alright. You did absolutely nothing wrong and I'm not upset at you."

Zircon jerked her head up, eyes widening with disbelief.

"But you just said..! You were just acting like I did some horrible thing! You were angry at me!"

"I wasn't angry. Maybe I was hard to read." Garnet vanished her visor; underneath it, her expression was open and calm. "All I meant was that you weren't being fair on yourself. That's just the truth. It doesn't mean that you're horrible, or wrong, or that you have to apologise. I'm just trying to understand you."

A few more notes— it made Zircon nervous, seeing that pen move —and Garnet looked up at her again, cool as ever.

"Zircon, your reactions and emotions are perfectly normal for someone who served under the empire. But that's not to say they're natural. Things that you've been through have made you feel the way you do. They've made you scared of making mistakes. That's what we need to delve into and break down together, so that we can help you get better." Setting aside pen and paper, she clasped her hands in her lap. "Tell me about the first mistake you ever remember making."

Zircon let out a shaky laugh. "Does being grown count?"

"If you think it does. Tell me about being grown."

She started, flustered. She hadn't expected that response.

"Okay. Well— well, I don't remember it, obviously. Because I wasn't alive yet." Twisting her fingers together, purposely delaying. Speaking slower. "I was grown on Cerulean 5, and you know how that place was."

"I don't, actually. Enlighten me."

"It..."

A thread was coming loose on the chair arm. Zircon picked at it, smoothed it down with a fingertip, then, when it wouldn't sit flat, covered it with her hand so she wouldn't have to look at it. In the corner of her eye, she saw Garnet adjust her position.

"...It was a post-war colony. It wasn't as bad as some of the earlier ones, but... it still wasn't perfect. Things came out wrong." She snorted, glancing to Garnet for a split-second. "You know, the first courthouse they sent us to was built on a sinkhole. They had to tear it down and ship us to an arena for trials until the new one was done. The soldiers _hated_ us!"

"I'm sure that was a lot funnier in hindsight. You must've been upset at the time."

She shrugged. "Not really. I was young. I didn't know how abnormal it was."

Unfazed at the correction, Garnet just nodded. Her gaze burnt into her, dissecting and far too knowing.

"So it wasn't the state of the colony that you were upset about, then. When you say 'things came out wrong', you're talking about something else. Something more personal, which you deflected from by bringing up this event that doesn't matter to you."

That loose thread was tickling against her palm, an invisible irritation. Turning wholly to the offending armrest, Zircon pinched it between thumb and forefinger and attempted to snap it off. Her tugging only unravelled the stitching further.

"Please don't damage the chair."

Pointedly, she tore her hand away from it, twisting further about; her face was almost fully to the wall now, and she leant her cheek against the backrest. Garnet gave a contemplative hum.

"Your body language tells me that you're very uncomfortable right now. This is a topic that you're trying to avoid, even though I'm sure it's what you came in about." A soft scuffling— she was writing again, attempting to go unnoticed. "If it's difficult to say out loud, you can write it down. Take all the time you need to communicate. There's no rush."

Writing. Sure, she could write. She could spill her muddled thoughts into a clear, clinical receptacle— depersonalising, 'they' instead of 'I', not a lick of emotion under the facts and figures she'd retained. And then a pause before sending the screen off— was it _too_ dispassionate? Would Garnet judge her for this, too? Tell her she was obfuscating, drag out some ancient buried catalyst like a tapeworm on a spool, inch by interminable inch until she was bleeding more than she would've been if she were left alone? Was this even the truth?

Deleting everything, she began again on a blank slate. No thought was too brutal for the holopad; some terrible repressed part of her hoped that Garnet would respond with pity. This version of her explanation ended up three times as long, sentences rambling and disjointed by the time she finally forced herself to stop. There was so much more she wanted to typographically scream, but it was growing repetitive.

When she flicked it off across the room, Garnet expertly caught it and read it without a word. It was a void between them, a trillion years a second in the heart of a neutron star. Finally, she looked up, expression unreadable.

"Those are some terrible things to say about yourself."

Zircon laughed, shuddered, and sobbed.

It took twenty minutes for her to calm down enough that they could continue. Garnet reassured her it was okay, that wasted time, but she still felt ridiculous. Her third breakdown in as many days— if it were a few years ago, they'd have shattered her for it.

"That was a big thing to get off your chest." Garnet said, opening up another tissue box. She slid it onto the table between them, keeping her eyes on her. "I'm glad you could confide in me. You must feel pretty relieved right now."

Was that what she was supposed to feel? Relieved?

Zircon brought her knees to her chest, crushing herself into the tightest ball she could. It was a million miles to the ground; Garnet might as well have been in another galaxy.

"It's alright if you feel upset right now. Counselling is hard, and there's going to be days where it makes you feel worse. But in the long run, this'll all pay off."

She nodded, burying her face in her knees.

"Zircon." She heard Garnet shift. "Tell me how you're feeling right now."

Zircon hummed, a low ragged note, whole head vibrating with it. Like she had to warm herself up for talking.

"I'm really tired. I'm tired of being like this."

"I understand. It must be hard."

"I just want to be normal. Sensible, reserved. Above it all."

"You don't have to fit Homeworld's mold to be happy."

She shot her a weary look.

"I mean it-"

"I know. Everyone's different and our differences make us special and we should accept everyone as they are." She glowered at the ground. "I know. I know. _I know!"_

"This conversation is frustrating you."

"Because you people keep shoving scripture down my throat like hearing these words just _solves_ everything!" She dug her fingers into her hair, then brought her hands over her eyes. "I accept everyone else! Isn't that good enough? I can't just pretend I'm okay with myself because you say that I have to be!"

"I'm not trying to force you into anything."

For once, Garnet seemed uncertain. Rising, she crossed the room and grabbed something off her desk.

"There's an activity I'd like to try with you that might help with your self-image. Take as much time as you need to yourself, and let me know if you feel like doing it today." Her voice was softer— consciously softer —and she was staying perfectly still. "If you need to take the rest of the session to think, that's perfectly okay. This is all about your needs. Don't worry about making me happy."

And just like that, another stars-knew-how-long slipped into the aether. She reproached herself for it, every split-second she let sift past her like processed sand, every minute she spent undermoving and overthinking and intermittently falling back into the trap of crying— always earning another dot-point from Garnet, scratch of her pen stinging her ears and setting her stumbling down another rabbithole of 'what is she thinking about me?'

She prayed their time would run out, but instead it crawled. When she finally forced herself out of her stupor, they still had fifteen minutes left to burn.

"I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for."

"But I should just listen to you. _You're_ in charge." Zircon lowered her feet to the floor, wrapping her arms around herself. "Can we still do the activity?"

Garnet inclined her head. "We can, if you feel ready to move on. But you still seem upset."

"I'm not."

"Be honest with me."

Zircon scrunched her brows, frustration rising in her like molten metal. She was so- cold, so confusing. Every conversation was another dead end, and she was getting about sick of the maze.

"I thought you wanted me to do this." It was hard to keep the anger from her voice— she'd never been much of an actor —but after the display she'd put on she was trying to be civil. "You _told_ me to do it!"

"You think it matters what I want."

"Because I'm trying to make you happy! But everything I do is wrong!" Oh stars, her breath was throttling again. "What do you _want_ from me?"

"I want you to stop putting my feelings above your own. You're acting like I'm the leader right now, Zircon. You're waiting for instructions. But in counselling, I'm not your superior." She leant in. "You're _mine_. So stop asking what you can do for me, and tell _me_ what I can do for _you_."

Silence. Zircon inspected her fingernails and the grooves where her joints bent, as if to check she was still displaying properly. The edges of her vision were fading charcoal-black— she was panicking, and this little focus, centering her whole mind on a single point in space, kept it at bay. She felt her skin, and the half-moon rims of her nails. Her chest burnt like she’d been stabbed.

“I want to go.”

“Then go.”

Zircon glanced at the clock. As if reading her mind, Garnet added “You’re always free to walk out.”

But she stayed until the minute the session ended. She could feel the disappointment radiating off Garnet as she passed her on the way to the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god i WISH i could write faster. i take my time bc i want it to be the best it can be.  
> also garnet is not,, a perfect therapist. the ‘no questions’ thing really makes it hard to be, when u come off as blunt and all-knowing. plus it makes her REALLY HARD TO WRITE THANK YOU CREWNIVERSE


	11. Any Port

Stepping out into the street made Zircon feel like she was drowning. Thick, heavy air filled her head with each inhale, cold and biting; the sky hung heavy and foreboding, a black rolling sheet of promised storms. She didn't see the people around her as she hurried off to her first class, arms folded across her chest as if to keep herself together. The thud of her footsteps against the pavement was like a metronome, every two seconds: _tmp tmp tmp. Tmp tmp tmp._

Rain began to spill as she reached the park by the boulevard. No one else was there. Pearl must've anticipated the weather and found some indoor venue for her class today— Zircon didn't know where, though.

She could go ask. Whoever was working in the Little Homeschool Office right now could point her in the right direction. She could still make it.

Turning on her heel, Zircon walked head-down back to the apartments.

She wasn't giving up. She just didn't know where the lesson was.

~~And she could try to find it, sure, but~~

It was bad weather anyway. She was exhausted. Even if she'd gone, she wouldn't have been able to focus.

Stepping into the elevator, Zircon punched her floor button then leant against the low handrail, staring at herself in the mirror. She was so sure she must be oozing with distress, bedraggled and weepy-looking, but nothing was off. She was still-faced, clean; she could just be heading up to grab something she'd forgotten.

503 was silent from outside in the hall. When she stepped in, rid of water, she found the main room empty. Thunder crackled in the distance. Zircon jumped, then calmed herself. It was nothing.

She checked the bathroom and the bedroom for Yellow, finding her curled up under the sheets in the latter. At least she'd leave her alone.

Siv's lawbooks were still on the low table— stars, she'd forgotten about work. Zircon flopped onto the couch, staring down at them. Maybe she could quit her job. Leave the books on the doorstep before the office opened, and never let them see her again. It wasn't like they needed her. She wasn't useful. Her job existed for the sake of existing, and really, the amount of space she took up in that tiny office negated any positives her being there might bring.

She was going to quit her job.

Pleased, she beamed the books away and lay down to stare at the ceiling. Steven would be so proud. She was making decisions! She was being her own leader!

Who was she deluding?

Something clicked behind her. Sitting up, she locked eyes with Yellow, who was peering out at her from behind the bedroom door.

"You're back early." She slipped out further, almost cautious. She'd swapped her old shirt for something plain and long-sleeved; it was tasteful, at least.

Zircon stared at her, then lay down again.

"Was the... thing cancelled? Because of the weather?" A soft step closer. "I've heard that humans avoid being touched by the rain."

She hoped that if she stayed silent, Yellow might go away.

Instead, she leant her elbows on the back of the couch, staring out the window. "Have you seen a storm before? It's-"

"I don't want to talk to you."

Yellow dropped her gaze to her, sober and irritated. "Of course you don't."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" She jolted upright, and Yellow stepped back. "Why do you have to go out of your way to annoy me!? What is your problem!?"

" _My_ problem?" Yellow flared. She jabbed a finger at her. "I'm trying to talk to you! Why do you always take everything as an attack?"

"Because you're attacking me!"

"You're _insane!"_

Thunder pealed out, deafening, closer. Yellow twisted towards the window and cupped her hands to her ears.

"I just thought-" She cut herself off when lightning struck, staring blankly at the sky.

Zircon waited, but she didn't move. Another crash shook the air.

"Are you going to leave?"

She didn't acknowledge her. Zircon straightened, leaning her arm against the backrest and watching her uncertainly. When lightning flashed again, snapping the room into blacks and whites, Yellow took a shuddering gasp.

Oh. She was glitching.

What had Steven done to fix this? Should she get him? Slipping off the couch, she circled hesitantly to Yellow and took her hands. What _was_ it?

"Don't panic." She cleared her throat, trying for an authoritative tone. " _Don't_ panic! Breathe. Everything's fine."

She bit her cheek— it was fruitless, and she didn't know what else to do. There were the tricks they used in the empire, but they weren't _nice;_ she supposed it was better than nothing, though.

Grabbing Yellow by the shoulders, she shook her roughly and yelled "Snap out of it!"

Yellow punched her in the face.

Zircon scuttled back in alarm, one hand raised and the other tracing the ache in her jaw. She wasn't used to being hit. Normally, it meant a fight was going to start. But Yellow stared at her in as much shock as she felt, running a thumb over the knuckles of her fist like she couldn't believe it existed.

"I didn't know what... I thought you..." She made a frustrated sound and hit her fists against her head— a self-admonishment habit. "I didn't _know!"_

Zircon shrunk down, uncomfortable. "It's okay. You were glitching-"

"No! I'm not like _you!"_

At another thunderclap, Yellow shrieked, crouching down into a ball with her face buried in her knees. Zircon glanced between her and the window. Lightning struck.

"Is it quieter in the bedroom?"

Yellow shot her a dubious look. Tears were dribbling down her cheeks; she apparently hadn't noticed.

"Yellow? Is the bedroom better?" She rethought. "Or the bathroom? It doesn't have any windows."

"Obviously the bathroom." Yellow swiped at her face, scowling. Even when she was a snivelling mess, she still managed to be condescending. "It has thicker walls. Because of the plumbing? Honestly, Blue."

They moved to the bathroom. Zircon gently shut the door, then turned to face Yellow, who was fiddling with the bathplug. They could still hear the storm, though muffled now. It still made Yellow's breath hitch.

"What is it about the storm?" Zircon ribbed, sitting beside her. "Did you get struck by lightning or something?"

Yellow snorted, unsmiling.

"But seriously." Zircon said.

Ignoring her, Yellow rose, slapping the bathplug down on the bench and staring at herself in the mirror. Experimentally, she twisted the sink tap on and off.

"You know, when you turn all the taps on in here, it drowns out everything." On, off. She glanced at her. "But it drives you crazy."

"It's like someone's scraping a knife across my face."

She hummed, sitting back down. Zircon toyed with her sleeve.

"Is it like that for you? Is it just a sensory thing?" She glanced at her. "I mean, the storm's loud. And bright-"

"Can we talk about literally anything else?"

"Sorry."

Picking at a chipped section of paint on the bath rim, Yellow sighed. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes.

"You like baths." She said it like a question.

Zircon's mouth twisted. "It's not... It's like you said. It-"

"-drowns everything out."

She nodded.

"What were you so upset about?"

"I invoke my right to change the subject."

Yellow smiled. "Fair enough."

More time. Zircon observed her out of the corner of her eye. She looked tired.

"You're not here on vacation."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Neither are you."

"Why-"

"You tell me first."

Zircon grimaced. "You know already. It's obvious. I got out of prison and had nothing to go back to up there." Turning to Yellow, she frowned. "But you had actual friends. You were good at your job and people loved you. What are _you_ doing here?"

She smirked, lids lowered, and flourished a hand towards her chest. "I'm acting as Pink Diamond's personal advisor."

"Oh, sure."

She laughed. "No, no. I _was_ invited to be part of my Diamond's legal counsel, though."

"Come on, Yellow."

"I'm serious." Her smile dropped. She examined her nails. "I declined."

Zircon studied her.

"You're not joking."

"No." A shrug, a rolling of her shoulders. She slipped her hands down the back of her neck and below her collar.

Zircon waited for her to continue. When she didn't, she asked "So that's it? You moved here because you didn't want a promotion?"

"That's the succinct version."

"I don't understand."

"I don't care if you do!" She gave her a biting stare, then sighed, softened, and turned away. "Look, it's... it’s personal. And I barely know you."

The rain outside was quieting. Zircon stared off, tapping her nails on her knees in time to the staccato.

"I'm sorry we never talked before now." She said.

Yellow hummed detachedly. Getting to her feet, she pressed her ear to the door, eyes fixed on the ground.

"It's stopping." Her voice was low.

"Oh."

She opened the door and walked off. Zircon followed, several paces behind, stilling by the couch and watching her head back to bed. Yellow turned to her.

"Don't start telling people there's something wrong with me." She was trying to play it like a joke, but her voice strained with it. "Some things are private, right?"

"I can draft a non-disclosure agreement."

She chuckled, leaning against the doorframe. "Sure. I'll notarise it."

Before shutting the door entirely, Yellow tacked on "And thank you. For..."

"It's fine."

"Great. I'm going back to sleep, so keep it down."

The door clicked shut behind her— soft, careful. Zircon went back to staring at the ceiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys  
> guys i swear i did wanna do this earlier  
> if uve stuck with this even tho it takes so long ily


End file.
